Your April Fools Jokes

In this post we asked for your suggestions for statements that would have been hard to believe if they were made on October 1st.
As always, C-Blog delivered.  Here are a few examples:
"The Pens will be without first line center Dustin Jeffrey tonight"
 – brentjohnsonFTW
"Pensblog Charlie faces will outnumber Blue Jackets fans at Nationwide Arena."
 – tramp_stamp 
"We're better at fighting than scoring goals."
 – jwit
"Some joke from the Islanders is gonna cost his own team 100 grand and the Pens have to sit a player for ten games."
 – NCPensFan
"The Penguins will come up with a slogan arguably worse than 'Defy Ordinary'"
 – PensAreYourDaddy
"we will actually care about attending a game at nassau coliseum."
 – OlTwoNiner
"Derek will start to not hate Mr. Kennedy… Kennedy"
 – JonKlimas
"There will be a 45 minute delay/dance off at our brand new arena because the lights wont come back on."
 – Knuckles
"The penalty kill is more effective at scoring goals than the powerplay."
 – kunikazze
"Sidney Crosby will embarass some jag-off in a fight… then be teammates with him later."
 – Billgates
"The Penguins will lose every player you've ever heard of and still have a shot at the 1 seed."
 – YinzRJokes
"No one will mention trading Staal."
 – 24SesameStreet
"Brent Johnson will get into two fights this season."
 – BurningAntsBlog
"Our PP will go 3 for 61."
 – PensForTheWin
"In the 2010-11 season, Staal, Geno and Sid will only play 2 games together."
 – akus
"Kris Letang's is a better defensive D man and his offense needs to come around."
 – jwit
"Trevor Gillies would make an impact during a game."
 – buchk
"The Penguins will get that winger for Crosby, too bad he'll never get to use him."
 – Kevman7987
"After starting the season 1-6, Fleury would be within 3 wins of the NHL lead."
 – biggoron
"Fleury Flakes is part of a complete breakfast."
 – pdoggy
"Jason Arnott is the highlight deal of the trade deadline."
 – The_General
"Ben Lovejoy is on fire with 2 goals and 5 points in his last 9 games."
 – Birdman79
"I can't believe Brent Johnson broke a man's face with 1 punch!"
 – biggoron
"Jordan Staal will be injured while on injured reserve."
 – Kevman7987
"Lemieux, Stevens, Coffey, and Murphy will all suit up for the Penguins again this season!
And still won't be able to stop Peter Bondra."
 – RobbieBrownsRoadBeef