Reprise: Capitals Conspiracy Theories

James F. has never forgotten what Ted Leonsis did to Bruce Kelly.
Amazing video right here.
This was originally posted on March 24, 2010:
Marty the Chicken has been on assignment looking into the Capitals and Flyers organizations.
He has come back with his report.
Last year, I, Marty the Chicken, produced a series of controversial unknown facts about the Detroit Red Wings.

And now, after a year's worth of research, I have uncovered some shocking conspiracy theories about the Washington Capitals and Philadelphia Flyers.

I now start my journey in Washington.
Capital fans love to cook up theories about how the NHL is fixed for Pittsburgh.
But yet they have a closetful of dark secrets themselves.
For our first story, I've enlisted Robert Stack from Unsolved Mysteries.
The story is after the jump.

It was a day like any other in Florida, when 25-year-old millionaire "Texas" Ted Leonsis got on a plane heading north.
Bruce Kelly was also on that plane, and little did he know his life would never be the same.
At 9:02am, the Delta Air Number 8, a 737, took off from some airport in Florida.
At 9:11am, the plane's flaps broke.
One passenger, who didn't want his face to be shown for reasons that will become clear, had this to say:

It was madness. I vomited twice.

Sitting in the coach section was the aforementioned Ted Leonsis, an already-established millionaire playboy.
As the plane was going down, Leonisis said he made a deal with God to change his life.
Some days later, Leonsis came out with his now-famous "101 Things To Do Before I Die."
Up-and-coming internet entrepreneur Bruce Kelly, briefcase in tow, on his way to meetings with multiple internet companies and investors, was sitting next to Ted Leonsis on the plane.
He claims Leonsis had more than a few revealing moments in the plane's final minutes.

He was panicking. Saying he hadn't arrived yet. Saying he didn't want to die a virgin.
I heard him say he was sorry for stealing all that money.
Everyone on the plane was 99% sure that this plane was going to crash.
Ted then took all of his clothes off and demanded that the stewardess put on an Eddie Money CD.
So he'd have, as he put it, "one ticket to paradise."


I had a briefcase with me containing delicate information I was taking to investors.
Ted Leonsis grabbed my briefcase, frantically searching for a pen and paper so he could "start writing out a list."
I reached for his arm.

But it was already too late.
Bruce Kelly, the unfortunate son of a bitch, had just entered a world of pain.

My briefcase popped open, and the documents fell out.

The briefcase's contents: The framework for an instant-messaging system called MOL.

My idea was for a messaging system that let users create their own unique names.
With these names, they would talk to each other or seek others out.
It's funny — When I met my future wife, her name was Annabelle Stephanie Locum.
After giving birth to our fourth child, she died due to complications, a mere 3 days before I got on this flight.
In the documents, I had outlined A/S/L, Annabelle's initials, as a way to identify yourself to others.
It was to be her lasting memory.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Whilst scanning the documents, Leonsis' eyes lit up, the same way they did when he saw the dinner cart.

And then, much to the shock of everyone on the plane, Leonsis pulled out a gun.

Ted was sweating profusely. He was shouting incoherently, but then he calmed.
At the back of the plane, a few men stood up.
And these men were big guys. And I mean strong.
I assumed they were going to disarm him, but they grabbed Bruce Kelly instead.

And, according to other passengers, what happened next shocked them all.
All of a sudden, the plane starts leveling out. No one knew what was going on.
Then Ted got on the loudspeaker and said he would pay each person on the plane $120,000 to keep their mouths shut about what was going on. All we had to do was give him our address and our phone numbers.
He said if anyone ever spoke up about it, he'd pump us full of lead.

But there was one man on the plane who refused to be taken hostage like that.

"I'll pump you full of lead"? Get real.

"Jeremy" charged Leonsis.
But Ted grabbed him, spun him around, and held him at gunpoint, demanding his phone number.


When [bleep] [bleep] finally gave Leonsis his phone number, it enraged Leonsis to another level entirely.

The number was 412-616-00482
412 is the body weight Ted Leonsis has never been able to get under.

And then — Well, he —

He shot me in the sac and vowed vengeance against anyone with connection to the 412 area code.
I —
Uh —
Turn the camera off.

Meanwhile, Bruce Kelly was beside himself.
Ted Leonsis still had the documents from Kelly's briefcase.


I yelled out to him, "What are you going to have the postal workers say? 'You've got mail'?"
The next thing I remember, the plane had a crash landing, and I was given something to knock me out.
There were empty buckets of KFC everywhere.

Bruce Kelly has been held hostage by Leonsis and Friends ever since.
Struggling to make ends meet, Kelly's four kids killed themselves.
Leonsis went on to become a billionaire using Bruce's ideas.

No charges have ever been filed in this case.

To those who lived it, it was real.

But for those who did not…

It is just another Unsolved Mystery.

Thanks, Robert.
I did this next section of research on my own.
I'll let the facts speak for themselves.
I've just documented how Ted Leonsis may have stolen the idea for AOL Instant Messenger.
It's no coincidence that there is an Illuminati connection.
Noice the all-seeing eye and pyramid in the logos?
Last year, I also detailed how secret societies worship Moloch, an Owl god.
Here is the street layout around the Capitol Building in Washington, DC.
Didn't even have to draw the owl.
And then the owl in plain view on the dollar bill.
We've been told for as long as we can remember that the owl is the wisest of all animals.
Starting to make sense, isn't it?
Now, say "AOL" really fast. Sounds like "owl."
It's also no secret that the pentagram shape is a demonic and satanic symbol.
See the "stars" in the logo?
Stop running, Ted. The game is up.




The Capitals and their fans are obsessed with the Pittsburgh Penguins. The conspiracies they have spewed out over the years have been nothing but juvenile. They are an organization based on lies.
I have uncovered so much dirt, it would take 100 years to fill in the holes.
Some examples:
Bernie Madoff's right-hand man:

Remember the DC SNIPER? Two Capitals greats may have been involved.
It all begins with this note found in some research and obtained thru the Freedom of Information Act.
The DC Sniper's notes:

This is a picture that was released by D.C. Metro, also obtained in the Freedom of Information Act.
The arrow in the top right points to the DC Sniper's 1990 Caprice.
But there is something else that I noticed in the picture. The white van.
Looks like just another white van on I-95.
I had photo wiz "Homo" The Goat enhance the photo:


Did Dale Hunter and Joe Juneau assist in capturing the DC sniper?
FILE PHOTO: Three weeks after the capture of the DC Sniper,
Juneau and Hunter seen joyriding in a Wal-Mart parking lot…in a 1990 Caprice.
And I finally get to Don Beaupre.
Uniform number = 33.
33 = Highest degree in Freemasonry.
The pentagrams are there again.
And there are 62 "windows" in the Capitol Building on the mask.
1962 = Cuban Missile Crisis.
Mark Cuban = born 1958
1962 – 1958 = 4
Pens and Caps play 4 times a year.
My investigation was cut short as I came close to proving
that Rod Langway's retirement coincided with the modern global-warming fad.