RECAP: Head Gamez. PENS WIN.

If the legendary Bob Cole was calling this game, he would have said something like, "There is diarrhea in the BIG APPLE TONIGHT!"
If you knew us personally in real life, you would never take any nugget of advice that we had to offer.  With Crosby's return last night, everyone and their mother are picking the Penguins to make it to the Finals, to win the Cup, to do whatever.  And it's nearly impossible to keep an even keel after a game like this one, but you simply have to.  Pens aren't even in the playoffs yet:
Our mantra has always been to never get too high or too low.  And that's not even us being condescending in the slightest.  We are looking out for you.  We are concerned for your well-being.  We don't want anyone throwing themselves into traffic when the Pens lose some game.  Actually, f everything we just said.  Pens are unreal right now.  99% of the Internet hates all Pens fans.  Amazing feeling.
Bank this win last night for a series against the Rangers in the playoffs. Bank this for some unrealistically huge game in MSG in the playoffs. Some big-time, must-win game 6. The Pens have planted the seed of doubt in the Rangers' heads: They can (and will) win in MSG.  Last night marked the first time all season a team had scored 5 goals against the Rangers.  Didn't really matter who was in net.  Lundqvist is too concerned about being on the red carpet anyway.
So, the Pens have won 10 straight.  That's 20 points.  But they still sit 4 points behind the Rangers with one game in hand, and the Flyers are still closing.
Recap after the jump if you can still see the Internet with Rangers fans' tears flooding it.



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Crosby's first shift.  Matt Cooke.  Deflection.  1-0.

Cooke draws some penalty.  Crosby stays on for PP.  Killed.
For the second straight game, Torts gave the Rangers the directive to try and kill Malkin. Brian Boyle and his bro Brandon Crust assault Malkin. Malkin came close to killing Boyle right back. After some shit, the Rangers take a penalty after the penalty, exacerbated by some fat guy all jammed up on the glass.
Bing played on the Point. Letang kept trying to feed Crosby, but nothing happened.

Rangers score some unearned goal.

Orpik goes to box for breathing on a Ranger.
Torts bought that call at the ATM last night:
Pens kill off the rest of that penalty.  Neal does an amazing forecheck and forces a turnover.  Remember he had that tough shift in the first period? Well, he doesn't. Neal puts a pass on Geno's tape. He breaks Biron's will to live.
Genoville. 2-1.
Before Stan Fischler can check his pants, Kennedy and Cooke team up.  3-1.
The Rangers responded, though. They dictated play for the rest of the second.  Unlimited shots. MAF made 2,000 saves. In the midst of Steigerwald fellating the Penguins, the Rangers score. 3-2.  Embarrassing moment for sports broadcasting.
But the Rangers end some of their momentum when some idiot high-sticks Staal. The Pens were setting up shop when the Torts and the Rangers got another call. Kunitz called for skating or something.
Tight the rest of the period.
Crosby went head-first into the boards at the slowest possible speed at one point. Terrible moment anyway.
Expected the worst and got the best in the third.
Pens killed off a penalty and got a powerplay themselves.
Crosby was roving around. He stopped a puck and did a backhand pass to Kunitz. He embarrasses French toast. Top shelf where your mom hides your pornos. 4-2.
Dupes adds one for good measure. 5-2.
New YLOLrk Rangers.
  • via Bob Pomp and/or the Internet: Pens 22-4-3 since January.
  • Crosby came back.  Looked good.
  • Letang was a plus That's So Raven.  Martin was a +3.