This is why Derek buys deodorant.
Why he learned to shave.
Why he pumped iron in his late teens and throughout his 20s.
Why he learned proper dining etiquette.
Why he spent over a quarter-century perfecting his charismatic silver tongue.
This impossible life came to Saturday, June 11th, in Westmoreland County.
It was Derek's appointment with destiny.
Over the course of an 82-year life, there are going to be ups and downs. Anyone who's lived life for a while knows that you can't get too high or too low. And that's what had to have been on the mind of Derek as the priest shuffled to the side of the bride and groom and Derek prepared himself for the biggest words of his life.
As you looked to Derek's right and saw the groomsmen, many people wondered if Derek had surrounded himself with highly qualified successors should he stumble, but the quiet, soft-spoken man pressed on.
What many people believe was the turning point in the wedding came with about 5 minutes remaining.
The vows were being spoken, and everyone was anticipating a stutter from Derek.
It was here amidst 200+ weeping family and friends that Derek found out who he was.
He stifled the English language.
Time and again, he broke down the language into eloquent syllables.
The English language was being smothered by, of all things, Derek.
It was a beautiful harmony of movement.
It was the dance of champions.
After 34 seconds of perfect enunciation, the English language had not managed a single stutter from Derek.
And when a blushing bride completed her part, the vows were over. And so was the wedding.
After a quick photoshoot in hinterlands off the banks of the Monongahela, the reception was in sight, with everyone having the intention of getting completely destroyed.
One of Derek's few mistakes on this glorious day was that he had forgotten to place Creed on the No-Play List for the deejay. Upon learning this, the Groomsmen, led by Best Man Chris, began formulating a plan to pay off the deejay so "With Arms Wide Open" would be played during the traditional mother-son dance. But at the last minute, Derek may have threatened the deejay's life, and the mother-son dance went off as planned. GAME.
-Adam didn't try his tux on until the 11th hour on the morning before the wedding. The look on Derek's mom's face as she saw Adam slowly turn into Frankenstein as he put his jacket on is the stuff of legends. That was quickly followed by a run to the tux store, and everything fell back into place. An hour later, Derek was taking the biggest shower of his life.
-An underrated part of the wedding was how the ushers calmly escorted guests to their seats.
Without this, the wedding never happens.
-Big day from the Bridesmaids, as well.
-10-year wedding anniversary in like 8 minutes.