Gameday Character Roster Cuts

Today Hacksaw Jim Duggan announced the first round of gameday character roster cuts.  On the list are several young gameday characters who have trained with the team over the last several weeks.
"It's always difficult to cut characters," said Hacksaw as he sanded his 2×4.
"The guys we've cut all worked hard and they're all talented, but we only have so many roster spots.  Someone had to go."
Among the cuts are the Laughing Dog from Duck Hunt, Hulk Hogan's Character from Suburban Commando, Kirk and Molly from She's Out Of My League,  Daniel Bryan of the WWE, the Jesus is My Coach Figure, President Bush and Dexter.
The Laughing Dog and Suburban Commando will need to clear waivers in order to be assigned to the minors.
Dexter was a surprising cut to many.  However, Duggan explains that it wasn't Dexter's lack of effort that saw him cut from the team.
"It's plain and simple.  A Gameday Character's job is to inspire the team to win and we always seem to lose when anything associated with Dexter shows up on gameday," said Duggan.
"That's just not going to fly on my watch.  He had to go."
Duggan made a point to say that the fact that these characters have been cut doesn't mean that they won't be called up later in the season.
"It's a long, grueling season and we're bound to have some injuries," said Duggan.  "It's good to know we've got some serious depth in this organization."
Duggan also took a moment to praise some of the camp's standout performers.
"Professor Chaos has really surprised me," said Duggan as he methodically waved the American flag back-and-forth.
"He really brought some intensity to the Columbus game and I think he's earned himself another look this preseason."
With only two preseason games remaining the team still has a gameday character roster well above the league limit.  Duggan hopes that a few more characters stand out in practice as there won't be time to try all of them out in actual gameday situations.
"We're having a lot of scrimmage games to try and simulate the real gameday environment," said Duggan.

"Things are getting pretty intense out there.  I can understand that.  These guys are playing for their jobs and they want to stand out.  Sometimes taking a shot at a veteran is the best way to establish yourself as a tough gameday character.  Just yesterday Jason Bourne took a run at President Whitmore in practice that left him pretty winded."

Duggan had no update on the health of second-year character Gizmo.  He was run into the boards hard by The Brave Little Toaster last week and has been experiencing significant pain since then.
"Gizmo's a tough guy," said Duggan.  "He had a strong season last year, but burned out a bit in the playoffs.  We've been working on his conditioning a lot this summer.  This injury will be a setback for him, but we expect him to be back in form within a few weeks."