Fuck Max Talbot

Max Talbot will always be linked with the Cup banner hanging in the sky. 
Can't forget that.
But memories fade, and reality takes their place.

The reality is that we were over Max Talbot two years ago. He is the guy that was still living off the stupid A&L Motors commercials. Talbot is the guy that graduates high school but keeps coming back to parties and telling the same jokes.
When someone goes missing for two years, they should call it a "Max Talbot."
There is some overwhelming sentiment coming from some Penguin fans saying "Well, good for Max Talbot."
No.   Fuck Max Talbot.
There are idiots that are somehow enamored with Talbot's personality, his sexual creepiness, and his goofy nature.  Guess what.  Move on.  He has already moved on.  He wears orange and black now.  While you're stroking your Talbot poster in your room, he's already exposing his penis to Flyers fangirls near the Liberty Bell.  It's over.  Move on.  As fans, we're in the business of watching good hockey, not funny hockey players making fools of themselves both on and off the ice.
Read that again:  Talbot has moved on.  You should, too.
He couldn't care less what Pens fans think of him now. 
Don't hold onto this any longer than you should.  Seriously.

This statement has been floating in the winds, "I'm glad he got paid."
There's a girl we know who hasn't had her period for two years. Doctors said they haven't seen something dissappear like that since Max Talbot.
These are Talbot's stats since he scored two goals because Malkin did all the work and Chris Osgood doesn't know how to play angles: 
He also was a minus -12
In the playoffs the past two years, he had 3 goals and 7 assists.
Now, don't confuse this post with a few things:
-We're not angry he left; he sucks.
-He's been a marginal 20-point scorer his entire career. The fact he is making what he now makes is hilarious.
This post is dedicated to the small fraction of people that actually think Max Talbot wasn't a douchebag.
Remember when he called Ovechkin a douche? Yeah, that was staged for local radio. Ovechkin couldn't be reached for comment because he probably couldn't see Max Talbot either.

When Gonch left, when Scuds left, even when Hal Gill left, we were happy for these players.  Game in and game out, they were giving everything they had.  They had just as much to do with winning the Cup as Talbot.  Their new contracts were a result of a larger body of work, as opposed to Max Talbot's, which consisted of one game where he lucked into two goals.
When Gonch came back, Standing O from us. Same thing for Hal Gill.
Can't remember if we've seen Scuds yet, but he'll get a Standing O, too.
When Max Talbot comes back? We wouldn't clap for him unless someone set him on fire.
When you sign with the Flyers, that is what happens. We get it; it is all about the cash. But you cannot compare fans' lives with professional athletes'. It is not the same. Talbot went to the team that encourages their fans to chant "Crosby sucks."
Talbot was Crosby's best friend. Yikes.

In closing, all we can say is this.
There are people in Pittsburgh that will remember Max Talbot fondly.
But like our good friend Cy Clark said on Twitter this week:
Remember him "fondly?" I remember my grandparents fondly.
You, I will remember like the last time I threw up.