Brendan Shanahan makes no sense, and we have a theory.

There is a reason we weren't jerking off about Brendan Shanahan like everyone else when he announced his new suspension plans.
Deryk Engelland, who had no history, got three games for his " illegal hit."
But Raffi Torres, who had prior history, got a mere fine for this vicious hit:

Are you serious?

We have a theory.

When a hit gets attention, a suspension occurs. When a hit doesn't get attention, it gets buried.

Brendan Shanahan sucks.