Breaking the 1-3-1

Before PSU students took to the streets, all the talk in the sports world last night was Philadelphia's answer to Tampa Bay's 1-3-1. This happened right off the opening face-off:

The refs apparently whistled the play dead because the puck was not moving, and they probably told the Flyers this, so when the Flyers did it again later in the period, Pronger consciously kept the puck moving, as you'll see in the YouTube below. Can't find anything in the NHL rule book about a play being whistled dead due to the puck not being moved.  Then again, we didn't really look that hard.


But breaking the 1-3-1 is pretty easy, as we are about to exhibit.  It just takes some studying-up beforehand.  Read more…
Men who are reading this, you have faced the 1-3-1 before.
So, let's break this down.  For simplicity's sake, we will name the hot girl at the bar Jessica, as in Jessica Rabbit.
Coming out of your zone, you're immediately forced to show your hand by the first of Jessica's friends, the alcoholic.  Due to her tendencies to go out drinking more often than the rest of the girls in her group of 6 friends, she has started to become more distant from the group.  You caught her on a special night, where all 6 six girls were able to adjust their calendars so they could all go out on the same night.  Simply buying her a drink and asking about her job gives you clearance to move to the next level.
Next up is Jessica's friend who is having boyfriend issues.  Odds are that in a group of 6 female friends, one of them has a boyfriend who she's frantically texting with all night because they recently had a fight.  She barely looks up from her phone, but when she does, you just tell her that your friend has that same exact phone.  She'll shoo you off in preparation to send another marathon text back to the boyfriend she's feuding with.  You're in the clear.
Here come the tricky parts.  You'll next meet Jessica's attractive but slutty friend.  You have to approach this delicately: be friendly but not flirtatious.  Wait for her to drop something and pick it up for her or give her a napkin if her drink is leaving a water ring on the countertop in front of her.  Give her a quick smile, don't make eye contact, and hopefully she doesn't pounce. Hopefully, when she sees you chirping Jessica later in the night, all she'll remember about you is that you have good manners.  Again, it's a fine line you're walking here.  Practice this on your cousin.  And why aren't you pursuing the slutty friend rather than Jessica at the bar?  Because the slutty friend has no self-worth, has a venereal disease, and watches Jersey Shore. 

Jessica's friend who has been wronged by males throughout her adult life is basically the Selke Award winner of Jessica's group of friends.  What's worse is she could be Jessica's sister. This duty could be given to a wingman of yours.  If the sister gets the slightest hint you're flirting with her, and then she sees you flirting with Jessica later in the night, the sister will know you're up to no good.  Again, this is a tricky situation, and there is not much literature on the topic. Proceed cautiously.
But if Selke isn't Jessica's sister, this is where studying game tape beforehand would prove vital.   Something as simple as knowing where she went to college could get you past the blue line.   Again, this could be delegated to a wingman of yours.  She detests men, but by this time in the night, she's liquored up and probably looking for sex, which is actually the basis for all her relationship problems, but that's for a different post.  If one of your wingmen is at least chatting with her, you're ready to move into the offensive zone.
Which is where you'll meet the last line of defense, Jessica's disgruntled lesbian friend.  She discovered her sexuality in college and has never looked back.  She's open about her sexuality, and rightfully so.  She's disgruntled because Jessica is obviously hot, and the lesbian friend has tried in earnest to get Jessica to start playing for the other side.  But nothing works.  Again, by this time of the night, the lesbian friend is liquored up and probably won't be finding anyone to go home with in this heterosexual bar setting.  But beating this is simple.  Go to the jukebox and play KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree." 

You may have to put in that $5 surcharge thing that makes sure your song gets played next.  Small price to pay.  Next thing you know, the lesbian friend grabs the hand of the friend text-fighting with her boyfriend to go out on the dance floor and exhibit their freedom.