Winter Crappic


TMZ has been all business recently
talking about a pending announcement regarding the 2010 Winter Classic.

As it stands, it looks like it will be Philly going to Boston's Fenway Park.
And also, there's rumors of a nightcap game in Calgary.

Hockey is hockey.
A televised hockey double-header on a holiday?

But, of course, everyone wants to jump to the negative side of a double-header,
saying that the novelty of the outdoor game will start to wear off.

Whatever that means. It's one day of the year. Relax.

People casually clicking through their shit
will stop and check out a hockey game at Fenway Park.

And later in the night, after being reminded of it 300 times during the Boston game,
they will come back to see some jokes play hockey in possibly sub-freezing temperatures.

But even the Calgary game won't give us the shock value that the NHL should be striving for.


First off, let's check out the teams who can host/participate in a Winter Classic.

Eastern Conference:

Atlanta, Carolina, Florida, and Tampa Bay have no business being in a Classic, let alone hosting one, of course.
And aside from Carolina, those teams are the first names that pop up when contraction is debated.

The Canadian teams are already money in the bank as far as being in contention for a Classic.
People think of Canada and immediately associate it with frigid temperatures and Rick.

Sorry, New Jersey.
People think of you and thoughts of AIDS go through their minds.

Cross off Boston, Buffalo, Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh, and here are the remaining contenders:

Thoughts of a Montreal/Toronto game at the Rogers Centre/SkyDome gives us an erection.
Swap Ottawa in there somehow if you're bored.
A game in Montreal is probably out of the question, NBC-wise.

An eventual NYI-NYR tilt is inevitable.
But that game won't have the "nostalgic baseball stadium" feel that the NHL has been going for.
One of the new stadiums being built for the Jets and Giants are viable options.
But the Islanders are poop right now.

The Washinton Ovechkin(s) are surprisingly the afterthought.
Are they gonna play in Camden Yards? That would be the baseball-stadium thing.
It'd be nice, but who in the East would they play?

Eh, it's probably gonna be Washington/Rangers at one of those new football stadiums in 2011.
We don't even know if those stadiums will be built by then. Look it up.

Can't say Pittsburgh yet, because the rest of the "winter" teams will have a stroke
if Bettman's boyfriend gets another Classic before they get themselves one.

As far as the Western Conference goes, you might as well take a dump on the Pacific Division.
Anaheim, Dallas, L.A., Phoenix, and San Jose don't invoke any white thoughts at all.
Except for the coke that Janet Gretzky buys.

Nashville is a no-go, either.
Squash out Calgary, Chicago, and Detroit, and we have this depleted roster:

Hell, we're even giving Edmonton and Montreal a break,
since they were in the Heritage Classic back in 2003.

But who the job is Calgary gonna play in the nightcap?

Columbus? Get real.

It won't be Colorado, either. If the NHL doesn't want Colorado playing a home game
with the Rockies in the background of camera shots, they are high — a mile high, even. gay

St. Louis? yeah right.
Minnesota will probably host the 2011 Classic at the Twins' new stadium.
You can almost put that in the bank. And Minnesota hockey fans deserve it.

Minnesota may secede from the Union if they don't get it.

Our educated guess for the 2010 game, though, will be Edmonton, feeding a Battle of Alberta storyline.
NBC may want Vancouver to be the visiting team.
It'll give them plenty of opportunities to mention that they'll be all over the Olympics.

And we didn't even factor in the notion that there may be interconference games played.
Who cares.

Take a look at these two pics and notice the difference that we've noticed:
Capacity: 74,000 — give or take.

Capacity: 41,000 — give or take.

What's the bigger shock value to a casual viewer?
Seeing Wrigley Field turned into a hockey rink?
Or seeing 70,000+ coming out in the elements for the game?

Innumerable studies have shown that human beings tend to "go with the crowd" and pee in toilets.
That's why there are laugh tracks on sitcoms.

See that Wrigley Field pic above?
Now look at this beast below.
People see a packed stadium like this and wonder if they're missing out on something.
This is "The Big House" in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
It holds roughly 4 million people.
A Winter Classic would sell out in 3 minutes.

Detroit traveled 247 miles to go play in Wrigley Field.
Meanwhile, this beast of a stadium is 45 miles from the Joe.

Want to know what Fenway Park will look like?
Just look at the Wrigley pic again. Snore.
McMahon Stadium. This is where Calgary would play their Classic.
Capacity: 35,000. Vomit.

Back in 2005, Nickelback held a concert there, and 14 people showed up.

Ever since the Pens-Sabres Classic came off as a resounding success,
talks of a hockey game at Beaver Stadium have been flirted around.

If the NHL wants to nip jobber teams that have no marketing pull from playing/hosting a Classic,
they should add a stipulation that there should be a readily available monster stadium to play in.

If the Pens host a Classic at PNC or even Heinz Field, this blog is done.
Then again, we want other teams and other cities to host/play in the Classic first.

We're big baseball fans.
But when your hometown team is mud, the love fades a little.

Pat at WHYGAVS should be given an award every time he makes a post.
There's no way we could do it.
And as we always feel obliged to say, reading WHYGAVS daily was our inspiration to start a blog.

We get the nostalgic baseball-stadium thing the NHL is going for.

But just go ahead and pack the Rogers SkyDome in 2011.
Or give us the Inveso Field game in Colorado. Jokes.

go pens