Things That Sucked About The 09-10 Season: The Pensblog


In a continuing summer series, we take a look at what went wrong this season. Rather than do one giant post about the 2009-2010 season, we figured we would just break it down into pieces. One painful step at a time.

Next week: FSN
This week:
So we are pretty much roasting ourselves here.
There's no rhyme or reason to this.
We spend all of our time blasting people.
We spend more time doing that than reading about Pens prospects.
In fact, you probably can't even read those sentences because this bullshit star pop-up ad is in your mouth:
Either that or the server crashed again.
Or own damn website takes the longest to load of any site we visit on a daily basis.
We've been blogging for four seasons now.
The first couple seasons consisted of us bringing our weird lexicon onto the Internet.
Oh, man, are we gonna make another vomit joke?  Awesome.
Buries It?  Wow, we've buried that joke into the ground.
The "wooo" shit gets out of hand.
It basically functions as a period at the end of a sentence sometimes.
Oh, hang on.  We have to post a homoerotic photoshop of Daniel Alfredsson.
And then we have to call people jokes on Twitter.
Oh, and don't expect us to particpate in the conversation in our own comments section.
That's just poor blogging etiquette to not jump into the comments.  Horrible.
Then again, you'd think we'd have time to comment, since we obviously don't personally thank, via e-mail, everyone who takes time to print out a Charlie sign and put it on national TV.
We could make everyone's day so much easier by proofreading our shit sometimes.
But what we say isn't funny the first time.  No reason for us to go back and read it again.
(Didn't proofread this post, by the way.  And we use sentence fragments on purpose.  Like this one.)
Whoops.  We patted ourselves on the back last season for raising money for MLF.
This year, not so much.  Pitiful.  [ sans Annie's Festivus ]
Picasa Web Albums is still a hoarder's wet dream.
Speaking of things we start and never finish:
— Morning Pensblog
— An Igloo Runs Through It
Didn't expect a pro-wrestling reference.
Our EASHL team on XBOX has been branded as being glitchers.
Which is bullshit.  Which is a sentence fragment.
"Sick."  "Beast."  "Mud."  "Suck it."
Here are some examples of pure ass from the 2009-2010 blogging season:


Sharks will finally make it to the Finals this year.

It gets worse. The East preview:

The Leafs return to the playoffs.

Look out.  Very in-depth analysis.
The Penguins preview we wrote wasn't much better. "Swagga Like Us?"
Nothing says "swagger" like sleepwalking through an entire season.  Just awful.
The start of the regular season wasn't much better.
An intro from one of the only memorable games of the season, in Columbus:
Halloween is today. But Alex Goligoski dressed up a little early.
His costume: a Norris-caliber defenseman.
Down 3-1 with less than two minutes to play, and the Pens surging,
Al got a saucer pass from Bing.
Not only is it Goligoski's seventh straight game with a point, it's a big goal.
Last night was just another example of why the world champs are who they are.
Despite being up 3-1, Columbus slowly started to fade away.
In fact, the last 10:25 of the game, Columbus did not record a shot.
None of this would have been possible without the performance of goalie Brent Johnson.
He again kept the Pens afloat.
Pens are now 11-2. Getting 2 points in games like this means everything. Make a mental note of this one when the Pens are a point away from winning the division in April.
Pens play in like 4 minutes. And blog-wise, after a game like this,
we wish the Pens didn't play so soon.
We have to semi-hurry what should be epic.


What the fuck.  Put the words "Alex Goligoski" and "Norris" in the same sentence?
If we ever use the term "blog-wise" again, hopefully someone shoots us.
As November hit, we began our Chris Bourque standoff.
At that point we were in a freefall. Just us being lazy, really.
It was our own little Stanley Cup hangover.
Meanwhile, PensBurgh/Empty Netters continued solid seasons.
And of course we failed to really ever link to them.
Or any new, up-and-coming blogs, for that matter.
We recognize we have that responsibility, and we still shit on it.

We asked Rick what he thought sucked:
I half-assed at least 50% of the gameday posts.

And the gameday character selection was definitely lacking at points.
The gameday characters were a little off.
Ed Harris never even got a shot.
One of the only things that didn't suck was Stephen S.
Although this is what we've done to his mind:
As gay as it sounds, we hold ourselves to high standards.
We know when we're phoning it in or trying too hard to be funny.
Trying=Work.  Work=Not Fun.
So then we get into a funk.
And it's nothing a 3-2 loss to the Islanders will cure.
But we still force ourselves to put out a recap of the game.  And it's shit.
Whenever someone says the blog sucks, we don't take offense to it, because on that particular day, odds are that it did suck.  But what the fuck and suck our balls.  We're just homos on the Internet.  When it gets to the point where we feel like we're just dancing in the street juggling bowling pins for people, we're bowing out.
This was by far our worst season.
But we have some big changes coming.  HUGE changes.
If you fear change, you may hate what's on the horizon.
So, today is official "Tell Pensblog Guys Why They Suck" day.
Put it in the comments.
Tell us on Twitter: @tpbadam @tpbderek @pensexperience
Stoosh doesn't suck.
But after four years, he will eventually suck.  Everyone sucks.
This post affirms one of our life mottos: Don't make fun of someone else if you can't make fun of yourself.
Suck it.
That Ric Flair .gif is great, though.