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…And Hell’s Coming With Them. PENS WIN.

 
 
 
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Mike Tyson once said, "Everyone has a plan until they get hit."
 

That should we be the mantra of the NHL playoffs, because you will not find truer words.
 

Left for dead, in a 2-0 hole, the Pens brilliantly defended the Mellon.
This could have been the last game at the Mellon arena this season, but the broken down igloo would not go quietly into the night.
 

And now the Pens head back to Washington for a game five. Hell in the cell match tonight.
 

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The last time we remember a back-to-back happening in the playoffs was the Senators series back in 2007. The Pens won on a Saturday afternoon in Ottawa, and had to face the Sens the next night in Mellon city.
 

In a series where nothing has made sense (first team to score is 0-4) it would be bizarre to try and figure out who has the advantage.
 

Is it good to lose and then get to play the next night?
Is it good to go against a rookie goaltender who you just lit up?
 

We're going to find out.
 

The Pens could be without Sergei Gonchar after he was injured by a reckless Alexander Ovechkin.
 

The hit, which has only added another chapter to this novel of hate, will be debated at nauseum.
 

People are calling for a suspension. Get real.
 

God help us all.
 

 

 

 

 

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Fiddy14, clauer, alex b., parrothead, xocharmedchildox, nora, rkr, josh m, jimrox, CoreyinCT, nbenjamin, dgramc,
 
 
 
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Backstrom scores before you can adjust your sac.
 
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1-0.
In a normal series, that goal might have actually mattered.
 
Not tonight.
 
After Dick Clark takes a stupid penalty, the Pens get a powerplay.
 
For the first one minute and fifty-four seconds it was mud. The Gonch cruised up the ice. Shoots from the Strip.
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1-1
No one has any idea how much they will come to appreciate that goal.
 

After that, Fedorov has two big time chances. He hits the post on one, and MAF makes a huge glove save on the other.
 
Things were whatev for awhile after that, but then Mike Green shit himself.
 
Billy Guerin picked off a weak clearing attempt and got the puck to Kunitz.
Green forgot he played defense and let Crosby get behind him.
Varlajoke made the save and then Bing hit the post.
 
But Bill Guerin came out of nowhere.
 
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2-1
 

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Huge goal.
 
After that it was bedlam. Bodies were flying.
 
And then the hit everyone is going to be chiming in on happens with about five minutes left in the first.
 
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The pucks comes around to Sergei Gonchar side in the right corner. He stops, and quickly turns towards the puck, hoping to chip it out of the zone with one hand before a fast approaching A.O. can get there. Gonchar does make contact with the puck, chipping it past A.O.
 
A.O. does not stop and runs through Gonch. Gonch goes flying into the air. It didn't look right. As the camera panned back, Gonchar could not stand up.
 
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The video:
 

 

[Puck Huffers] with a screencap
 

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Everyone's initial reaction is; dirty hit. And based on all the evidence, that pretty much still stands.
Is this our Cam Neely/ Ulf Samuelsson moment?
 

Suspending A.O. proves nothing at this point. It was a reckless hit. Maybe Bettman suspended him mysteriously in the third period because he was nowhere to be found..
woooooooooo
 

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So A.O. got a tripping penalty. Brad Watson must ref at Bills Golfland too.
It was four on four because of something before hand.
 
Tenk breaks up the ice, and harmlessly shoots a puck on net.
 
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Varlavomit. 3-1.
The goal was so cheap, you could buy it at your local dollar store.
 

We expected to hear a "Varly" taunting chant.
But then we remembered the kid can't speak English, is retarded, and misses mommy


Hey, whatev.
Caps kill the A.O. penalty. All those morons calling for Gonch not to be on the powerplay. Yea, suck yourselves.
 
To wrap up the first, Malkin throws a people's elbow into some joke.


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The Pens kill that Geno penalty.
And then Geno draws his own.
 
If you wondered how important Gonchar is to the Pens, the hockey gods reminded you.
 
Pens get two powerplays, and look out of sorts.
 
You could feel something really terrible was about to happen. And sure enough Tom Green makes it happen.
He takes a pass from A.Hole, hits the post, but Dick Clark is there to knock it home.
 
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Scuderi took some jobber penalty late.
It was gonna carry over.
 
 
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Yanni will become a hero or a villain tonight.
 

 

 

 

 

 
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The Pens survive whatever was still hanging from that Scoods penalty.
And then it was time to dig in.

Satan said it was time to bang your mom and make vague death threats.
Big-time pass to Bing.
Who the hell was the d-man? How is he in the NHL?
 
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4-2.
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Right after that, the Pens go on the powerplay.
The Mellon was mayhem.
 
 
No one to quarterback the power play, though.
Not like it was hot before the AO cheap shot.
 
The Pens struggle. Towards the end of that power play, the Caps redefine shorthanded forechecking.
Matt Bradley commits at least six penalties. And probably a death threat or two.
 
He just start hitting everyone. Didn't matter where the puck was.
He threw Orpik into the net.
Jerkcina from downtown.
 
4-3.
Shit.

Orpik wanted to kill somebody. OMG!! He said kill.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Bodies were flying like pancakes in Bruce Broudreau's hotel room.
All of a sudden, it was AO and Eaton in a steel-cage match.
Eaton dominates him.
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Is that dude serious with that camera?
 
Varly makes a huge save on Talbot after the Pens get a few chances.
 
The caps start pressing. Tom Green carries the puck in. Doesn't do anything with it.
Talbot steals, then he makes Varly drink pee.
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5-3.
 
 
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Looks like the Pens are coming back to Washington Ted.
And they're bringing hell with them.
 

 

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Game
 

 

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MISC
  • No word on Gonch, but Orpik has this to say: "I saw him quick after (the game)," Orpik said. "He hadn't gotten the MRI yet, but it wasn't looking too good."[TRIB]
  • A.O might not face the NHL, but he did have to face Mr. Malkin. [TRIB]
  • Do the Pens bring someone up?
  • Game's in like 8 minutes
  • Thanks to everyone for the stunned pics and shit. Sorry if we missed anthems too.
 

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We saw a fair amount of Pens fans meltdown after the Pens lost two straight.
 

Caps fans aren't doing much better:
 

This guy apparently was out of his mind.
 

 

Thanks to [Carson]
 

 

 

And well this kid.
Let just say he makes the philly kid from last year look like a Rhode Scholar:
 

[Youtube BanHammerblog]
 

 

Looks like youtube took the video down. It was unreal. He'll be back though.
 

 

 

 

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To the brave humans going to Washington tonight
 

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Ladies and Gentlemen … the 83rd Pennsylvania, 44th Jobbers, and 16th Jokes will be moving in to our right. But if you look to your left, you will see that there is no one there. It's because you're the end of the line.
You're all we got. You are the flank. Do you understand?
We are going to have to be stubborn today. So, you put the boys in position, you tell them to stay down. Pile the rocks up high; and say fuck Ovechkin at the top of your lungs, get the best protection you can.
That hill is steep. It's rocky. It's bare. To come straight up it is impossible. No. The Red army is going to swing around. It's gonna come up through that notch right over there. It'll move under the cover of trees, try to get 'round the flank. And ladies and gentlemen… *you* are the flank.
 

 

Godspeed.
 

 

 

Go Pens
 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

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