ross

Stay The Course. PENS LOSE.

 
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We've seen a good amount of pornographic films in our day.
 
Pierre McGuire's 2-hour, 45-minute blowjob on Mike Richards
had to have set a Guiness World Record.
 
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Listening to the bucket of piss that is Edzo and fanboy Emrick is unreal.
The 105.9 The X has to find a way to sync these broadcasts up.
If Mike Richards, a great leader, worked for the X, it would happen.
 
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Is that dude in the middle a lumberjack?
What a bizarre shirt.
 
Seriously, if we had a terminal illness, we would get a gun
and just stand outside Wachovia Center, shooting people.
 
As for the game itself, your PP has to make a difference,
especially against the always-undisciplined Flyers.
 
The Flyers' shorthanded goal changed the game.
They've averaged one every 5 games these season.
Whatev.
 
The Flyers aren't "back in the series."
They're down two games to one.
 
 
 
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Wachovia Center sings "God Bless America" 'cause Kate Smith thought
the Star Spangled Banner was a cheeseburger and ate it back in the '70s.
 
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Fatass.
 
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easy e. — Petr V — Glenn
Cara F. — jaos — michal f.
anonymous hot girl
 
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The Pens came out early and had a chance to throw the first nail.
But Staal couldn't put it home.

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The Pens kept dictating the play, as they have most of the series.
Whatev.

The Flyers finally sniff the Pens zone.
Carter fakes a toe-drag shot, MAF goes down, Gonchar screens. 1-0.

Eventually, the Flyers get a powerplay.
The best hockey player of all time, Mike Richards, throws it to the net. Goal 2-0.

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"Richards is taking this game over. He made one play. What a leader."
 
Flyer fans want to call people gay. How about Richard's celebration?
 
 
 
The next shift, Kunitz clotheslines Emo.
Hardest hit we've seen in a long time.
 
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Gotta be demoralizing.
The Flyers go after Kunitz. Somehow, the Pens don't get a PP.

Bylsma probably chirped enough to get the next call.
On the next shift, the Pens had a delayed penalty coming.
Then some shit went down.
Pens still had a PP coming, though.

The power play got some decent chances, but no dice.
Then Jeff Carter elbows Cooke in the face.
No dice on that PP, either.

 
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The Pens were going to the box next.
NBC features their bizarre "end zone" cam on the power play.
NBC forgot to ask people if that blows, 'cause it does.

Finally, with less than two minutes left in the first,
Flyers fan show their team support with a "Let's Go Flyers" chant.

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"Doc and Edzo, I'm touching my penis right now.
During that commercial break, Richards sat on the bench drinking water.
That leadership doesn't grow on trees."
 

It looked like the Pens were going into the first intermission down 2.
Nope.

Disco puts Malkin out with Talbot and Fedo.
Talbot destroys Coburn's life.
The Flyers all try to hit Talbot.
Tenko to Malkin in front. 2-1.

 
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The NBC crew is stunned. Eddie O sounded like someone killed his family.
 
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-2

 
 
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Like 8 seconds into the 2nd period, it was all tied up.
Hartnell forgets how to play defense, freeing up Scoods for a jobber shot.
French Toast somehow lets it go in. 2-2.
 
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jaos

The Pens were taking the game over again.
You could feel the uneasiness coming from the crowd.
And then the Flyers scored on maybe their fifth shot of the game. 3-2.
 
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"Doc and Edzo, I can't comment right now.
Richard's genitals are in my vicinity."
 
Malkin goes to the box for something.
The Pens kill it. Huge kill.
Geno bolts out of the box.
Richards jobs him, Pens get the PP. Get in the box, joke.
 
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"Okay, I'm back. Did you see Richards congratulate his teammate after that goal?
I have such an erection right now."

 
The Flyers led the league during the regular season in shorties.
They got one there. 4-2.
That feeling you got sitting on your couch in stunned disbelief after Gagne scored? That's playoff hockey.

You look at the clock and realize the game's not even halfway done.
Way too much time left to get worried about anything.

After some jobbing, Malkin starts dangling.
He gets tripped up by Richards. Malkin falls.
Flyers fans and the NBC crew disagree with it.
Game gets delayed so the ice crew can clear Richard's tears. Eddie O calls it soft?

 
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It gave the classless Flyer organist a chance to play to the crowd again,
playing a ditty that spurred the fans to say "Hey, ref, you suck."

Just a classless organization from top to bottom.

The organist should take a note from Harry Kalas and just die.
 
Later on, Carter slashes Staal.
 
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"Doc and Edzo, Richards calmed down his bench after that penalty.
I swear, if I had to acquire AIDS, I'd want it from Mike Richards."
 
Malkin gets his stick held on the ensuing PP.
He goes to the box for being a forward. Emo held his stick.
That was it for the period.
 
Edzo says Emo drew the penalty?
Are they watching the game?
 
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Down 4-2 to start the third, up 2 games to none in the series.
Not exactly a desperate situation.
But it was gonna be interesting to see how the Pens came out.
 
But you know it's not your night when someone named Jared Ross scores.
5-2.
 
The Pens went to the box for something.
Then Briere put the stick into Orpik's face.
First time he did anything with his stick all series.
The Pens capitalized on that double minor to make it 5-3.
 
The Pens had some decent chances down the homestretch
that gave some Flyers fans heart attacks because they know their goaltending is shaky.
 
Hopefully one of them died. Game.
 
 
MISCELLANEOUS
  • go to hell
  • If given the chance, we would eat John Stevens' kids.
  • The fight against NBC is just getting started.
  • go pens
 

 

UPDATE:

 
 
What in the world is Bill Cowher doing?
 
 
Canes should have known better. Bill Cowher at a home playoff game. Not a win.
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