“My life is not over” PENS LOSE



That quote is from Malkin’s post-game interview and it says it all. His life isn’t over, ours isn’t and neither should yours be. Have the past five games been tough? Sure they have. But we’ve been through worse. We know there’s light at the end of the tunnel for this team. Last year we weren’t so positive.
The Pens got 50 shots on Vokoun. The SHOOOOOOOOT guys don’t even know what’s happening right now. While they kiss Hines Ward’s tears away, we’ll keep going on. If the team can tighten up the defensive zone coverage and get the powerplay going, they’ll steamroll the entire world. You think Evgeni Malkin is going to be quiet forever? If you do, you’re probably also calling for Shero to get Kovalchuk for Martin Skoula and a bag of pucks.

Everyone’s frustrated right now, no denying it. But this team is too talented and too well coached to not be able to play their way out of this. After their last losing streak, they won like 50 in a row. They’ll be fine. If the ship starts to really sink and things have to be done, then in Shero we trust. But until then, stay the course.
At the end of the day, the Pens are still 26-16-1 and sit comfortably in 4th place. Step back, hit the hash pipe and bang your lady or dude.
The game started off fast. Both teams had jump. They traded scoring chances early. Usually that style of hockey favors the Pens, but Vokoun had broken into the PCP stash he keeps secretly reserved for Pittsburgh. Seriously, did Talbot bang his wife or something? He always plays out of his mind against the Pens.
The third line comes out and dominates. Vokoun shuts everything down. Crosby has a beautiful chances the doorstep, but Vokoun stuffs him. Jesus. The guys sees more rubber than the Trojan factory.
Vokoun spends a lot of his time looking up at sweating men.
The Panthers aren’t intimidated and come storming back. They keep the pressure on. Fleury stands tall.
Back comes the third line. Mr. Kennedy gets it on net. Vokoun is out to lunch. 1-0.
Trying to remember if he set Diagnosis Murder to DVR. What a color.
Fleury with a crazy pokecheck on Gregory Campbell. When did he get so good at that? This must be what happens when you apply yourself in your spare time instead of looking up internet porn.
Nothing of note happens for a while. Just solid, entertaining, back and forth hockey. Much easier to enjoy it when the Pens have the lead.

Gogo with an ungodly behind-the-back outlet pass that Sid collects and takes to the circle. Bullet train. 2-0.

Now that he’s shooting more, it’s difficult to argue he’s not the most well rounded player in the world. Your grandpa is stunned.
Clutch loafers. Is that a Maple Leafs sweater? Speechless.
DeBoer calls the best timeout of the year. Don’t know what he said to his club, but it worked.
The Panthers weren’t letting the Pens get much sustained pressure in the offensive zone after that.
Orpik ruins Dvorak in the neutral zone. We looked it up and Dvoark is a Czech word that translates to “3rd period revenge”
Pens go on the powerplay when some joke does something. Keith Ballard does his Rob Scuderi impression.
Panthers get momentum. Jordan Leopold with the big slapper. 2-1. Maybe Fleury should’ve stopped it. Maybe someone should’ve been in the shooting lane. Either way, it went in and was like being sprayed with douche water.
Pens come out hard driving, but you got the sense it was a last gasp. They had to get something quick or they would run out of gas.
Then Kennedy and Staal get a two on one. Vokoun slams the door shut. Huge, huge save. Maybe the turning point.
We assume this is Vokoun’s way of flirting and asking Staal out on a date.
Panthers start to dominate. The Pens are mud. McCabe was hitting everything in sight.
He must’ve got the Pens confused with the net
Bob Errey was impressed with Florida’s dumps. Makes sense, there’s enough Metamucil in the state. wooooo
Errey also had an even finer moment this period.
Nothing we could say could possibly make that better.
It was just a matter of time. The Pens get a surge about halfway through, but Vokoun shuts it down. Rupp gets sent off for something. The penalty kill is a beautiful ray of sunshine in this dark time. Turns out in this case it was the last meal before the execution.
Vokoun gives the puck away to Malkin, who misses an open net. Panthers go the other way. Malkin gets control but turns it over. Did he piss on an Indian burial ground or something?
Dvorak puts a tomahawk in the Pens head. 2-2.
2 and a half seconds later, Olesz scalps them. 3-2.

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  • Poor Raybin gets all the shitty games. Pens are like 0-90 on weekends.
  • Least the Penguins get to play on weekends in January / wooo
  • Least concerned people on the internet right now
  • Need some new gameday characters. Email away