Luongo is a Baby. PENS LOSE.

 

There was some confusion regarding the rules of this game’s contest.
And we’re not douchebags, so we actually gave out two shirts for this one.

But guess what.

We still have 7 shirts left.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

See you Tuesday morning.

 

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When the game was winding down, Steigerwald said that the Pens’ flight home wouldn’t have a horrible atmosphere. The Pens knew what the situation was going in and coming out of this Vancouver game. That’s pretty much all it is. Wish we could look up the last time a team lost their starting goalie and backup goalie to injury in the same timeframe.
We have no clue what John Curry thinks about on a daily basis.
And we don’t know his level of testicular fortitude.
But he just didn’t have it.
His effort on the 5th goal was embarrassing.
It left Bylsma between a rock and a 19-year-old kid.
Enter Alexander Pechursky.

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With his Mylec pads and white helmet.
His presence alone kept some people watching the game.
What an intriguing story.
Still, game over.
The winners of the Twitter contest and………
NEWWWWW
owners of a Talbot SHHH T-shirt are………

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Winner of the “goals and penalties count as stoppages” contest.

Winner of the “labeled as stoppage in play-by-play” contest.  Hit the nail right on the head. [ SOURCE ]
*The goal review, Pens timeout, and TV timeout after Talbot penalty labeled as “STOP” do not count, obviously.
As always, if you want to submit a protest, e-mail us.
We’ll look at everything.
The rules for Tuesday’s contest will look like a contract.
It will be like 6th offsides call of the game or something.

 

Erin and Sal with another unreal performance.
Also in there are anthem pics from Ryan H. and Nikki E.
Ryan H. with the Hrdina pic, too.
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Nothing doing to kick off the game.
Curry didn’t look comfortable from the get-go.
Malkin brought on the 5th stoppage of the game when Feds throws it at his skates.
Goal. Meaningless call to Toronto. 1-0.

 

 

Everyone watching the play. Just an observation.

Goligoski jobs an icing call for the 7th stoppage of the game.
Errey mentions it’s estimated that 25 million people would be watching Canada in a Gold Medal game.
Jesus.
Crosby carried the mail into the zone somewhere in there and set up Lovejoy.
No clue why, but it felt like he waited longer to shoot it than he should have.
The Canucks tie it when a Sedin throws it at Curry from a shit angle.
Curry tries to do some unreal kick move. 1-1.
Coming back from a commercial break, there were offsetting minors.
Malkin was the tiebreaker, and the Canucks were on the PP.
Pens kill it, then get their own PP when the Canucks blatantly have 6 men on the ice.
They must have thought it was Game 6 or something.
On that ensuing Pens power play, they looked ripe to score one.
But a bouncing puck just wouldn’t stop bouncing.
Alex Burrows picks up the puck, refrains from forcing a joke about Auger, and breaks away toward Curry.
Curry simply may have had too much time to think about it. Goal. 2-1.
Pens almost score at the end.
Guerin contracts Pass-to-Bingitis and the Pens can’t get the shot off.

Someone make a Curry “Oh, Shit” shirt for us to give away via Twitter.

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Hiroshima. 3-1. Nagasaki. 4-1.
Caroline in the City. 5-1.
After the fourth goal, Bylsma calls timeout to load a gun.
After the fifth goal, Curry stayed parked in the net.
When the next whistle came, so too came Alexander Pechurski.
If anything, it was gonna keep you watching, to see how this 19-year-old handled shit.
He almost got sniped on his first shot, but he got over to get in the way of it.
And he handled shit pretty well, infusing some energy back into the Pens.
7 minutes later, Matt Cooke scored like his 30th goal of the year. 5-2.
Maybe Luongo will cry some more.
The goal piqued our interest…if only for 1 minute and 14 seconds.
6-2. Jesus.

 

 

 

Actually spelled Pechursky. [ SOURCE ]
But apparently all of Dana Heinze’s shit was held up in Customs.
Blame terrorists. And the Olympics.
The Penguins will defend the “Pechurski” spelling to the bitter end.
Maybe the spelling is Americanized because of this guy.
He is Alexander Perchersky.
He led a Jewish uprising at some Siberian camp. [ SOURCE ]
Update: Not “some Siberian camp.”  It was a Nazi death camp in Poland.

 

 

A source at the game said a member of the Canucks ice-level staff remembered this night.

He remembered this MJ impersonator visiting malls and shit in the Vancouver area.

 

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Canucks had a leftover powerplay to start the 3rd. Normally, the start of the 3rd period in a game like this would’ve also seen you on the phone with a suicide hotline. But if you were anything like us, you’d never been so interested in a 6-2 beatdown of the Pens before. The third was all about watching Pechursky. How would he do?

Canucks do nothing with their powerplay. If the Pens could get the themselves a goal quickly, they could make a game of it.

Guerin comes in alone with a glorious opportunity. Luongo shuts him down twice.
From that point on, you could pretty much guess it wasn’t happening.

 

 

Another classic.

The third line comes out and has an unreal shift. What a group. Not since the glory days of the Malone-Malkin-Sykora line two years ago have the Pens seen such a dominant group playing together.

The Pens didn’t quit. Neither did the Canucks.

They’d seen how fast a team can score four goals and didn’t want it to happen to them.
Fortunately the Pens had tightened up the defensive zone coverage by then.

Alex Burrows goes off for holding. The ref that called that was the bravest man in Canada last night.

The powerplay was your status quo masturbatory pass fest. Impressed with Pechursky’s puck handling, though.
Not much later, Hordichuk feels compelled to run Pechursky even though his team is up by 4.
Fortunately, Godard is there and gives him the old Steve Austin.
Somehow this results in Godard getting a 10-minute misconduct.
Refs had to keep order in the blowout.

After that, even the Canucks took their foot off the gas.

There were less than 10 minutes left in the game. They were gonna coast to their two points.
Their powerplay looked like the Pens’. Killed.

As disgusting as the score was, if you changed the channel, you were probably Rob Cook.

Would anyone score for the Pens?
More intriguing: Pechursky.

Malkin gets called for boarding, which is apparently now defined as “a hard hit near the boards.”

Some Canuck gets sent off as well, for taking a shot at Geno.
The Pens get a 4 on 3 when some joke does something.
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Steiggy and Errey were talking about deaf defensemen somewhere in there.
Can’t blame them.
The powerplay of course comes to nothing. The Pens were playing good defense for Pechursky.
They pretty much were protecting Pechursky’s future as an NHL player.

The only highlight of the game came at the end when the Vancouver media exhibits some class and gives Pechursky the third star.

GAME.
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