jokes

Lundqvist Sucks. PENS WIN

 
 
 
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The best thing about playing the Rangers in Pittsburgh?
The Pens will beat them.

The worst thing about playing the Rangers this season?
They make your power play look like pubes.
We won't even acknowledge it in this recap.

Everyone knows the Pens powerplay was a plethora of ineptitude today.

The best thing about Saturday afternoon?
The Pens got 2 points; the Rangers got zero.

Looking ahead, only good things came come out of
going up against the league's top PK unit.

 
If you're worried about the Powerplay, snort some coke.
 
 
 
 
stephen
 
 
-2
 
 
8
 
 
-3
 
 
-1
 
 
9
 
 
cb
 
 
99
 
 
 
 
lowell, big john, Mikey from KISS FM, John G., Stephen S.,
Chad w., Chuck Blah, Clauer,Kamahl413, Sarah B.
 
 
 
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What an anomaly this game was.
When the Pens weren't on the power play, they were owning New York.
It was like that from the outset.

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A couple of unreal shifts early had the Rangers running.
And then TK dropped with Slops.

 
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Eventually, Robert Morris went to the box, and the Pens were mud.
14 seconds after the penalty expired, Talbot had a solid chance and buries it. 1-0.

About two minutes later, Cooke chops away like Paul Bunyan's pubes and pops it home. 2-0.


Malkin took some penalty late in the first, and the Pens killed it.
 
 
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But then John Denver got behind the controls.
 
 
It all started when Ryan Callahan scores and does the Arnold Palmer pump. 2-1.
 
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MAF forgets to play the last 5 seconds and Dubinsky scores the easiest goal of the season. 2-2.
 
 
 
 
 
picture 24
 
 
 
 
 
 
So much to get to in the crap section.
 
 
Let's just start off by saying how annoying the lady at the 0:11 mark is.
 
 
 
"I mean, just look at him."
what a bitch.
 
 
 
Also, the guy at the 1:57 mark with the big-league fist pump needs to be made into a .GIF.
 
hom
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
bar
 
 
 
 
Best story of all time:
 
 
Some psycho Flames fan made all kinds of threats against the Blue Jackets Steve Mason. AP
It is a whatev story until this tidbit:

Weiner says police traced the phone calls to Stenzel's Columbus home, where they found him wearing a Flames T-shirt.

 
 
 
If you can visualize some stunned Flames fan sitting in his house in the middle of Ohio, you can't help but laugh.
 
 
 
 
bar
 
 
 
We actually got this e-mail into our inbox today:
huffpo
 
 
 
 
Just a little FYI.
 
This blog is run by a staunch Democratic, a staunch Republican,
a homosexual, and a guy from Canada.
 
 
 
 
 
How dumb are some people.
 
 
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It could have been lights-out to start the second,
when the Rangers were all over the Pens like Meatloaf was all over the Billboard Top 100 in the '80s.

But Scuds gets a puck out of the crease.
Before you know it, the Pens head the other way.

Fedotenko and Staal.
Fedotenko knows Staal will miss the net or the puck entirely, so he shoots it himself. 3-2.

Huge goal.

News Flash:
Nik Antropov has 27 goals this season. 3-3. 27.

 
 
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We've been jobbing defenseless Pens fans all season.
What is that guy kneeling down for?
This Ranger fan is a turd.
 
 
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Yeah, it's not spelled wrong.
It's in Russian. Don't e-mail us about it.
We're on our period.
 
 
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Apparently, this random Rangers fan was hitting on this mom.
That girl crying is unreal.
Looks like friggin Sim City in the background.
 
 
If it hadn't a-been for Cotton-Eyed Joe, I'd get laid.
 
 
 
 
 
picture 24
 
 
 
 
Big-time e-mail from good friend "The Owen Jones."
 
Story time.
 
When I walked up I had him sign Gina's jersey first and while he was signing that I told him "Before you sign this next one, I just want you to know that only 2 were made so this is the last one." As he looked at the front logo he muttered "oh… YOU guys"
He then proceeded to ask "Where did this free candy thing start anyway?"
To which Eric Godard says "Was it that creepy picture of you from before?"
I then said "I'm not sure to be honest."
 
 
All in all he was a good sport, I mentioned something about Rutuu saying free candy in that post game interview from the finals last year and Orpik was like "Yeah leave it to Rutuu"
 
I'm sure Godard is going to make sure all the guys in the locker room job him about it from now on.
WOOOOOOOOO
 
 
candy
Sick.
 
 
 
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So here they were. Tied 3-3 in the third.
Saturday afternoon game.
We tried to set this up more but got lazy.

The Pens got a gift when Mark Eaton gets caught in a bad position.
Colton Orr jobs him.
The fact his name is Colton Orr means it's 5 minutes and a game.

"I guess the thing that's frustrating is two teams with the type of (playoff) position we're in this time of year, I just hope that we allow the teams to make the difference, to determine the results," New York coach John Tortorella said. "I'll leave it at that."

Probably one of the quietest things going on right now is Bing's scoring streak.
He's been more consistent than Nicolas Cage.
It's now up to 15 points.

 
 
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'Cause he took a pass from Fedotenko and hit Turbo.
He blows past Wade Redden and releases some jobber shot. 4-3.
 
 
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What the hell was Lundqvist doing in this game?
So bizarre.

So, whatev.
The Pens were in survivor mode.

Then the Rangers were pulling Lundqvist.

Malkin and Crosby both get jobbed trying to end it.
Pens end up with a 5-on-3, making them 0 for joke on the PP.
 
 
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"meh"
 
 
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stunned
 
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fleuryous

game.
 
 
MISCELLANEOUS
  • Villanova was walking more than a mall guard. Tough night for Pitt fans.
  • Everyone in the East won it seems like.
  • woooo
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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