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Finish Him. PENS WIN.

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Beating the Flyers always puts a hop in your step.
And this wasn’t just a beating.
It was a dismantling.
If you’re not going into back-to-back games with the World Champs with the intent of seeing how you stack up, you might as well pack up your season right now. For any other team, Carcillo’s goal that cut the deficit would’ve woken up the entire bench. Instead, nothing happened.
What most people overlook about the Flyers is that their defense is incredibly bad. If this was 1999, people might be intimidated by Chris Pronger. But now he is so slow, he can’t even take cheap shots. And people wonder why we think the Flyers are done? Chris Pronger is all you got? Malkin made him look like a midget.

Malkin dropped acid before this one. He was omnipresent. Bing with another three point effort.
Jordan Staal was out of his mind. You’re top three centers combine for seven points, it is a good night.

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This game was a statement: No one is going to push the world champs around. Or bite them.

But now the beauty begins. Enjoy this one for 24 hours. The pride of the Philadelphia Flyers is on the line Thursday night. After losing like this on the road, they get a chance to immediately to redeem themselves…in front of their “home crowd.” Should be good times.
Stay tuned till after the recap for one of the worst columns in journalism history.
It involves Ron Cook, fighting, and little boys.


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Early on, the Pens were dictating life.
Kunitz looked like he got jobbed going to the net, and the Pens ended up getting a PP later on that shift.
As the Pens PP took the ice, it was like a volcano was about to erupt.
Either the boos would come raining down, or the Pens would bury a big goal.
Crosby buries the big goal.

1-0.

In all fairness, it was just a lucky bounce on the PP. We’ll take it.
Mike Yeo pumped his fist in his suit jacket after that.
Therrien sipped his Diet Coke on his couch, unimpressed.
On the next shift, Rupp goes flying into the zone and annihilates someone.
He challenged Hartnell to fisticuffs, but Hartnell only fights women.
The Flyers took that as their cue.
Soon, Asham and Rupp square off.
Rupp +1.
8 seconds later, it was Godard and Cote.
Godard +1.
Pic courtsey of our own Rick.
Featuring Yogin City in the background.
And an unreal Ron Francis Whalers jersey.
what a pic
Some Flyers fan who looked like Jesus disapproved.
Then it was Adams and Carcillo. Adams -1.
But in his defense, we wouldn’t want Carcillo to touch us or bleed anywhere near us.
Lunatic.
As much as the fighting should get the blood going in this rivalry, you knew the atmosphere wasn’t going to reach a fever pitch until Richards or Carter did something stupid.
The Pens took a dump on any momentum the Flyers would have gained from the fights.
Crosby gains the zone, and Broadway Bill Guerin goes to the net.
No word yet if that guy was concussed and couldn’t watch the second period.
2-0.

Three weeks ago, there may have been a quick whistle there.
With all the recent shit going on, expect the whistles to be swallowed when goalies freeze it.
After that goal, it was the classic hockey moment: The see their 2-0 lead on the board and let off the gas a little.
The Flyers keep their shit in gear. Carter starts flying around everywhere, hits a post like it’s Hartnell’s wife.
The Pens work it back into the Flyers’ zone, and amidst 30 legs, the ref sees Malkin trip a Flyer.
What followed was a surreal moment.
Daniel Carcillo scores some bullshit backhand in front.
He does the ice-scoop celebration and heads to the glass.
He just stands there with his arms raised as the Mellon boos rain down on him.
Maybe the best screenshot of the decade.
All we could think about was that epic match between Yokozuna and Bret Hitman Hart.
Bret had the Sharpshooter applied on the behemoth, and he would win the match and the title.
But Mr. Fuji came over and threw a bizarre white substance in Hart’s face, which the ref didn’t see.
Yokozuna capitalized and pinned Hart for the win.
Yokozuna stood up in the ring with his arms raised, as the capacity crowd booed the events that had transpired.
Same thing in this situation.
Only difference is that Yokozuna could read.
2-1. Mike Richards acts like he did something.
Talbot shushes him from the press box.
Later in the period, Malkin takes another penalty.
A big goal for the Flyers salvages a bad period. An unsettling feel.
Enter Jordan Staal.
3-1. Huge.
no clue who sent this in.
At the end of the period, Malkin humiliates Chris Pronger with a takeaway.
Pronger’s vaj was hurt and he jobs Malkin.
Period.
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Flyers get an early PP in the second ’cause the Pens did some pick.
Flyers blow. Killed.
Malkin lets go of a slapper. Big save by Boucher.
The Pens keep up the pressure, the Flyers ice it, and they call a timeout.
The timeout didn’t stop Malkin’s dominance.
He was everywhere. Those two penalties in the first just meant he was lurking.
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The Pens cycled for a while, and Jordan Staal went toe-to-toe with Chris Pronger.
Pronger looked like an oaf in this game.
Then Malkin drew a penalty when he humiliated Timmonen.
The Pens PP worked really hard.
So do washing machines.
Merry Christmas.
Fleury was on his iPhone the entire period pretty much.
The Flyers woke him up when they came into the zone.
But they missed the net on like 4 shots in a row.
As the period wound down, Rupp almsost converts a back-hand one-touched a pass in front.
If he scores there, they change Jesus’ birthday to tomorrow.
The Pens were seemingly on the PK for the entire period and still won the 20 minutes.
This is why they’re the World Champs.
They convert a dumb play by Hartnell into a goal.
Hartnell’s wife was probably getting teabagged by Shaq when it happened.
Staal jobs in his second goal. Sid with his 3rd point of the night.
4-1.

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Kunitz reminds everyone of his hit on Timmonen in the playoffs last year when he comes out and decks Carter.
Soon after, Tenk eliminates Carcillo and goes to the box.
What happened next showed how big of a stain on America Daniel Carcillo is.
At first glance, all you see is Carcillo score some big goal.
The camera cuts to him. He looks like he just stole a pack of gum from Target.
Wow. Is Carcillo that focused that he won’t play to the crowd again?
Turns out that he isn’t.
The refs phoned Toronto, and they farted into the phone. No goal.
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Hartnell went to the box somewhere.
The Pens kill that Tenk penalty.
And then Crosby does his skating-fast wrist shot.
Boucher saves it, then Crosby jobs him.
You could tell Crosby knew where he was.
Could’ve done without the Osgood theatrics.
As the game winded down, Mike Emrick starts talking about Pittsburgh area high schools.
He decides to make a McDonald’s joke about Canon-McMillan and their mascot, the Big Mac.
A real professional would have actually known what the CM Big Mac is to round out the conversation.
The Big Mac is some unreal Scottish person who takes no prisoners and plays the bagpipes.
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The Pens rounded out the scoring with a Fedotenko snipejob and a Malkin shorty.

1. We aren’t responsible for the “Shhhh” shirts.
2. We know who is, and we’re supposed to pick some up from him.
3. The shirts got shut down. Can’t say anymore.
4. Consider your life a failure if you’re an internet-going 20-something who should have been all over these shirts, and instead some guy with probably 8 grandkids and a portfolio on E-TRADE has one. And you don’t.
Game.
picture 24
We were all set to put some easy stats in here. We wanted to enjoy this one.
But then Ron Cook changed the rules.
He penned what can only be called the worst column of all time.

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Remember when our old friend Bob Smizik said fighting has not place in hockey?
Well, now Ron is drinking the urine-aid, too. Surreal times.
Buckle up. Here is the column. [PG ]
Let’s start with this, straight from Ron Cook’s mouth:

“I think it’s ridiculous, actually, that the sport allows the gratuitous violence.”
“Gratuitous violence.” Okay.
Fighting’s been around longer than Ron Cook has been alive.
He probably thinks it’s ridiculous to pay taxes and to die.

“I much would have preferred to watch Talbot play. I love the energy he brings to the Penguins. He has been struggling since his return from shoulder surgery, scoring just one goal in 12 games, being demoted to the fourth line and getting fewer minutes of ice time. But he needs to keep playing. The team is going to need him in the days ahead. And watching him try to find his game is a lot more fun than watching Godard fight.”
Question. Is the object of the hockey season to appease Ron Cook’s whims?
To dress who he thinks should be dressed?
Or is the object to win big hockey games?
Ask Bylsma. You’ll have to speak into his good ear, though, the left one. His right one is clogged with something.
The column progressively gets worse.  And only because Cook actually had the audacity to get quotes from players for what they thought would be a normal story and not some chub lining up every word they say to dispute it.
“Kudos to Craig for standing up and making a statement,” Bylsma said. “He doesn’t back down from anyone.”
Cook continues: “It brought back memories of Talbot’s one-sided fight with Carcillo in Game 6 of the teams’ first-round playoff series last spring. It was dramatically one-sided in Carcillo’s favor, yet the Penguins still will tell you that Talbot’s willingness to go gave them the juice to climb out of a 3-0 hole and turn out the lights on the Flyers’ season with a 5-3 win. Funny, I thought quick goals by Ruslan Fedotenko and Mark Eaton immediately after the fight were a bigger factor in the comeback. But that’s just me again.”
Jesus Christ. Whan a self-serving egomaniac. You know why you ask hockey players questions? To take what they say and translate it to the hockey fan. If the players on that bench say that Talbot’s fight changed shit, who the hell are you to dispute it?
If fights would occur throughout the entire game, everyone would tire of it.
That’s the truth. It would eventually get boring.
But it’s the freakin Flyers and Penguins, idiot. Jesus.
But Ron Cook must have had Hines Ward’s balls in his mouth in October when Hartnell bit Letang.
He seemingly had no clue that the bite is why these fights broke out. What a hack.
This is exactly the kind of shit that brought blogs into existence.
Go Pens.
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