unawayne

Entrapment. PENS LOSE.

 
 
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Dave Molinari, in all of his toolness, kicked off his recap of the game with this:
 
"If the Penguins played football — and there had to be times last night when they wished they did —
this would have been described as a trap game."
 
And that's why we started a blog.

There had to be times in this game when the Pens wished they play football?
What does that even mean?
 
Football's the only schedule with trap games? Bizarre.
He had to reach his Steeler-allusion quota somewhere.
Might as well be in the first sentence.
 
 
The Pens lost.
 
The Coyotes won. What a solid team.
If you don't have Malkins, Crosby, Gonchars, etc., this is how you win games.
 
Clearly, Gary Bettman is cashing Crosby's checks and paying the refs to call penalties for the Coyotes.
 
Coyotes need to sell out their arena opening night.
What better way to draw some interest than beating the world champs.
/Caps, Wings, Flyers fan Quantam Leap
 
If the Pens weren't mentally in this game, for whatever reason,
you might as well look behind the bench.
 
 
If the schedule-makers had the Pens play Chicago last night and Philly tonight,
Brent Johnson wouldn't had even seen warmups.
 
Did Disco send a message to his players to take the night off
by starting the backup goalie against what is a perceived to be a perennial doormat?
 
Does MAF need a break two games into the season, regardless of games on the horizon?
 
No, no, we're not throwing anyone under the bus.
Don't remember doing it after Game 5 of the SCF.
 
We just can't wait for people to start flipping out on Bylsma.
Because people get bored and feel they got to do it.
Disco is a beast. He has a five-year pass in our book.
 
People the least bit upset who are posting unreal condescending blog- and message-board posts
forget what an 82-game NHL season entails.
 
Did everyone think the Pens were gonna go undefeated? Man.
We're still glad that hockey's back, period.
 
As RAGE posted in C-Blog, bridge-jumping is just a way of life in NHL fandom, anway.
 
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Going to the House That Crosby Destroys tonight.
Get the minds right.
 
 
 



 


Fiddy14, Adam C., joshua c., nate k., daver, stagel,
joe b., curtO, joey l., xocharmedchildox, ThickAndy,
Bruno, OMGodard, brian s., skatmandu, anon, EB, Mark F.,


lisarec, travis k, dylan p.,
 
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Three seconds into the game, BJ has to make a point-blank save and Matt Cooke takes some penalty.
That was probably the fastest PK of all time.

Cooke gets sprung on a mini-breakaway-ish after he bolts out of the box with three penises.
Just wasn't the most ideal sequence of events possible, as he put on a turd backhand.

 
Malkin went to the box later. The Coyotes score on the PP. Jovanovski. 1-0.
 
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If this was a Coyotes blog, we'd make a JOVOCOP photoshop.
That pic's not even from the first goal. like it matters.
 
You almost forgot what it felt like to see the Mellon Arena getting teabagged. Good to be back.
 
It almost got worse.
Shane Doan picked up some homo rebound right in Johnson's wife's diaphragm.
What a save.
 
But the Yotes kept coming. Robert Lang was in your mouth all period.

Pens were probably being outshot 30-2 by that point.
And they were going to the box again. wtf. McKee blocked your arteries on that PK. Killed.
 
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bam
 
After that PK, the Pens decided they had enough.
By that, we mean they sustained a rush into the Coyotes zone.
Ref calls a penalty on Phoenix 'cause they're bored.
Crosby was slapshot city. No dice. Killed. Period.
 
Somewhere in the first, FSN showed a clip of Dave Tippett's career as a Penguin.
You expected to see a goal. Apparently, he never scored one.
They show him sitting on the bench or in the penalty box.
 
Then they show a clip of him coming out from behind the net in the offensive zone,
passing it across the slot to no one, and the puck slides to the far boards.
 
Maybe that's just what Dave Tippet's career entailed.
 
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That and a McCreary-esque mustache.
 
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Clutch performance by Danny Potash in the first intermission.
 
He digs up some footage of Paul Steigerwald playing floor hockey with Ulf's son in a dimly lit basement.
 
Gary Roberts was in town dropping off some car, which is begging for a photoshop.
WWGRD gets its swan-song. She sure was a good ship.
 
Dan's in midseason form.
 
[ThickAndy with the spot]
So many things wrong with this pic.

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Things were looking like poop to start the second, too.
The Pens get a powerplay when Crosby decides to draw a penalty.

The powerplay ends when Crosby decides to take a penalty. What a slash.
Killed. Then another penalty.

 

Another goal. 2-0. Jesus.


Cooke-Staal-Kennedy started getting things going a little after that.
Staal was 12 for 13 in the dot.

And then Gogo gets the puck. Unreal patience. Goal. Nope.
In the playoffs, what Cooke did would earn him one of the three stars of the game.
In October, it's two minutes for cross-checking.

If this crew ever does a Red Wings game, the game would never end.

Right after the Cooke penalty, the Pens get a makeup call.

Somehow, the Pens were still one goal away from being in the game.
And also one goal away from drinking ballsweat.

 
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bam

Crosby slashes someone again.

Cooke gets out and goes back in. Are you kidding? For some facewashing after a whistle?

After thing settled down, Goligoski takes on the world, sets up the Pens on a mini 3-on-1.
The Yotes break up the pass.

 
Solid game for Gogo.  Once he realizes he can pinch and hold pucks in at the blue line with confidence because he's with McKee, he'll be fine.
It worked wonders with Letang being partned with Eaton.
 
Jovo takes a stupid penalty at the end of the second.
The third period was looking up.
 
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New section: JOBBERS ON CELLPHONES
 
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Errey interviewed Granato to start the third.
He tries to keep his plot to take over a nuclear reactor a secret as he feeds Bob Errey with clichés about Phoenix's hard work and tenacity.

The Pens still had that powerplay, and they set shit up.

Right at the climax of the powerplay, Gonch tries to keep a puck in, but the linesman says no dice.
Well, did he? We wouldn't know because FSN doesn't show replays anymore.
What view are you cutting to on that play?
Producer needs to wake up.
 

The fervor in Mellon Arena was getting up.
But Kunitz tripped some joke.
 
Pens kill Kunitz's penalty, but they're headed right back in for jobbing some dude who was one-on-one with BJ.
 
Unlimited penalties.
 
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tick tock tick tock
 
 
Then Disco leaves the bench during a stoppage and quits on the Pens.
 
Oh wait. That's Wayne Gretzky.
 
Just one of those games.
Chris Borque shows the defense he was taught in the Caps system by being completely out of position on every single play.
 
Empty net.  3-0. Game.
 
Here's to the Coyotes winning more hockey games.
Shows you how bad of a coach the Wayne was.
 
This was the first whatev game in like 30 games for the Pens.
Opening night was emotion, the Isles opening was emotion.
 
Winners don't make excuses, but we've never won anything in our lives, so we can make them easy.
 
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Good showing by Johnson.
 
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Had to put this down here so it loads by the time you get here.
-Courtesy of BTrain.
 
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8 minutes
 
 
 

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