Closed Internet Meeting. PENS LOSE.

This kind of game has been looming for a while.
Sure, bizarre losses to the Lightning and Panthers sting.
And losing 7 of 9 drives lesser people to suicide.
But an embarrassing home loss to the Flyers? Man.
The Pens players held a closed-door meeting after the game.
What they really should do is close their newspapers and laptops.
Because journalists and bloggers are ripping them apart.
People need to calm down.
We've all watched this team long enough to know that they are in a funk.
They're going to snap out of it.
But in the meantime, everyone wants to blast the Penguins.
That's like beating off in the socks you're gonna be wearing that day.
All teams have a funk like this during the year.
It's happened the past three years to the Pens.
So, what are the issues with the Pens?
The goal of any NHL coach is to have their team work hard.
That hard work usually leads to three things.
1. A goal.
2. A scoring chance.
3. A powerplay.
Ohh. Powerplay.
Powerball is threatening to pull their sponsorship.
The Penguins powerplay, or lack thereof, is the reason they are losing games.
Going 0-3 when the Flyers go 2-2 will result in a win maybe 1 out of 10 times.
Speaking of which, the funniest part is people blasting the PK after this one.
They are 11th in the league. They needed a lift from their own PP in this game.
They didn't get it.
The Penguins system revolves around being efficient on the powerplay.
They will be on the PP a lot.
And they'll trot out a cavalcade of stars for the man advantage.
To be 30th in the league is completely shocking. To not even be able to set things up is mind-boggling. To have the defending Art Ross Trophy winner, a left-handed shot, playing the left point is actually maddening. A player of Malkin's talent, a forward at that, shouldn't be wielding his left-handed stick on the left point of the PP.
But if he puts home a slapper through traffic, we're all touching ourselves.
Malkin was on the left point for a chunk of the season last year.


A closed-door meeting — with a 42-game road trip on the horizon, including a jaunt through the hinterlands of Western Canada — may be what rights this ship.

Edward Smith had the same thing in mind when he put those jokes in the crow's nest, not knowing they were gonna be playing grab-ass the whole time.


Dixie Normess
mike b
Typical solid start to a Pens/Flyers game.
Another typical start is Bobby Orr's father, Kimmo Timonen, taking a penalty against the Pens.
If Mike Green wasn't alive, Timmo would be the most overrated defenseman on the planet.
Vintage Penguins powerplay is actually put out of its misery when Caputi goes to the box.

On the powerplay from Caputi's shit, Jeff Carter buries one. 1-0.

Then like two seconds later James Vanderbeek gets some unreal pass from Aaron Asham. 2-0.


What a smug asshole.
Did anyone else used to watch Dawson's creek hoping Dawson would die in a car accident?
Pens fight back, though. Bing.


With about five minutes left, Godard high-sticks a Flyers.

Flyers score the easiest powerplay goal in the world. 3-1.

But yet again the Pens answer with under a minute to play in the first. Cookie. 3-2.

Not a good night for the goalies.

The second period picked up where the first left off.
Chris Pronger throws a poopstain at the net.

4-2. raaaahhh

Disco goes to the bullpen.
A minute later, Dawson Leery gets in all alone on Johnson.
Jobbed. 5-2.

Who sits on a dock like that?
No one knows if van Rimjob (h/t leo h. ) was offside 'cause the linesman wasn't on the line.
Another unreal play by friggin Aaron Asham.
If you watched the Winter Classic, Asham was insane. No clue why he is so good.

That shit sucked the life out of the Mellon Arena.
All people could think about was how bad the roads were gonna be.

Fans were able to take their frustrations out on Carcillo, though.
He gets hit in the face with a puck and acts like he was just exorcised.
Nothing like we've ever seen.


Halfway through the third, the Pens take advantage of their own questionable offside/onside play.
Malkin wins a battle and somehow gets it to Crosby.

Crosby waits for everyone to fall down then takes it behind the net.
He spots Malkin sneaking in, tries to get it to him.
It hits off a Flyer and goes in.


8 seconds after that, Matt Cooke almost made it 5-4.
Not really.

Eventually Malkin and Crosby's hard work results in a power play toward the end of the second.
Crosby goes off the ice to start the PP, while Malkin stays on to man the point. The left point.
Mistake at the Disco.

The Pens powerplay officially became the anus of America.
Fans started booing the unit's flaccid attempts to enter the zone.

Then the Flyers smelled blood.
They attack shorthanded.

Malkin is skating with Acid Queen in his skates.
He had been on the ice for 8 minutes straight.

He's reaching for an oxygen tank when Simon Gagne takes a shot and goes after the rebound off the boards.
He throws it at the net and it goes in.

But according to Toronto, it doesn't.

From all the angles shown on TV (prior to the no-goal decision), the puck can't be seen OUTSIDE the net, but also can't be seen INSIDE the net.
The absence of the puck in the goal crease apparently means nothing.


After the teacher from Boy Meets World waves off the goal, FSN immediately cuts to a shady replay from a bizarre camera that clearly shows Johnson fishing the puck out of the net.
Where was the big bad War Room on that?

Bizarre that these guys are discussing goal/no-goal while leaning back in office chairs.

The second period pretty much ended with this.
You don't want this kind of call hanging over your head. FSN should be charged with withholding evidence.
The Pens will eventually pay for this down the road.

Solid pics from Kaitlin G.:


Pens started the third with some purpose.
It eventually turned into purepiss.
The Flyers hooked someone, and the Pens got a powerplay.
Crosby went off to take a poop, and the Pens actually set up the powerplay for a little bit, but then it went back to mud.
Have to score on that powerplay. No questions asked.
After the wasted chances, it was game.
The Flyers score again off a Malkin turnover.
Although we blame the defenseman for not being at the point. But it doesn't matter
A man will take extra risks when his team needs some goals late in a game. 6-3.
Rupp scores to make it 6-4.
Pens still had some chances here and there, but wasn't their night.
Leadership nails an open net. 7-4.



Right yourself. There's a 5-game road trip on the horizon.
If you're already expecting gloom and doom, kill yourself and put it on YouTube.
Go Pens.