But the truth is this. No matter what anyone says, they’re always will be those people that flip out after losses. And they’re always be people like us, that could care less.
So no need to make the lame “fire Disco,” or “trade staal,” jokes. Like that stopped being funny five years ago.
Pens are going to at least lose 20 more games this season. Carolina is the most meaningless team in the NHL. Getting up to play them is like touching yourself while thinking about your grandma getting raccoon goggles.
go to hell
Posted this pic on Sunday:
No way that doesn’t look like Geno. Are you people kidding? Jesus.
Cam Ward had to cut out of this game (wooo) so we’re left facing Manny Legace. Legace, if you don’t know, was the goaltender whose career was nearly ended by Sarah Palin.
Dude’s name sounds like the alias you used to sign into the VD clinic. No intimidation there.
Staal line comes on strong to start.
Crosby has a beautiful chance, but steers it wide in what would quickly becoming a recurring theme for the whole team.
Turns out Rod Brind’Amour is a healthy scratch for the first time in eleventy bajillion games.
He leads the league in minus, apparently. Did you know 1 Brind’Amour is the official unit of measurement for a Chelios Half Life? If you’re thinking “Wow, they’re looking for anything to fill space” you’re right. Nothing happened until 5 minutes in.
Canes come flying out of their zone. Cole ties up with Orpik in front of the net. Was it interference? Yeah, probably. Or maybe not. All that matters is that the puck comes to the front and Andrew Alberts is there to job it in. 1-0, thus tying the score with that of the “Brooks Oprik vs. Erik Cole’s Neck” game.
The Igloo started out quiet and flatlined completely after that. This was definitely a “give your tickets to the babysitter so she doesn’t tell about the drunken dick flapping” game.
The Pens themselves were flatter than the ginger ale grandma used to give you for upset tummies. It’s a good thing too, because you needed it watching the rest of this period.
The Pens get some nice sustained pressure in the offensive zone. No discernible buzz. Did Ravenstahl start taxing enthusiasm and noise?
Canes come back and force Fleury to make a brilliant save. Tepid response. That’s right–tepid. Word of the day toilet paper will make you look so much smarter than you are. 8 minutes gone by now. Felt like a year.
Malkin gets sent off for forechecking while Russian. Canes go to work on the powerplay. Bruce Gradkowski must be quarterbacking it because they go right through the defense on a rush and score. Jokeinin. 2-0.
McKee somehow gets a penalty. No one knows what’s happening. No worries. Killed.
All the Penguin shots were coming from way downtown with no traffic in front. No sweat for Legace. The Canes were remembering how the Pens humiliated them. Bob Errey was making TARP references. What a weird period. A scrum breaks out. It leads to this off the faceoff
Gleason should’ve just put his dick away and skated off. Things like this are why announcers are contractually obligated to call Guerin a “cagey veteran.” Gleason had been their best defenseman so far. Now he’s off the ice for the rest of the period. Plus his team in inspired. Bill G = all man, all plan
Letang drives the net and gets mugged, but the refs are playing Calvinball tonight and it’s now legal to slash Kris Letang. Fedotenko gets jobbed, but it’s opposite day, so he has to sing the very sorry song and play on.
A man with the word “Ruutu” on the back of his jersey takes a stupid penalty at a bad time. We’re as shocked as you are. The less said about this PP, the better.
Our friends at [Pension Plan Puppets] sent this along.
Most notable highlight of the early 2nd was Mrs. Guerin and Godard’s girlfriend plugging the Penguins and Paws calendar. Solid cause. Make it a best seller.
Think Godard’s lady rode the ganja train to the Igloo? Godard’s little Tonka. We’d make a joke, but we’re afraid he’d eat our faces. Godard, not Tonka. Meanwhile, nothing worth discussing was happening. Then the Wizard gets a goal. Almost as old as Dumbledore and twice as gay. Puke. 3-0.
Pens were botching this game like college boys trying to kick an extra point. So what now? If the Pens had a real leader, he’d put the team on his back and get them back into the game singlehandedly. But the Pens don’t have Mike Richards, they have Sidney Crosby.
Oh wait, that’s right….they do have Bing.
3-1. Jesus, what a shot.
Two goal lead? Most dangerous in hockey for a reason. You’d barely finished copping a feel from your lady when Mike eruppts between Legace’s legs. 3-2.
Never, ever doubt Ray Shero. Mike Rupp is living proof. By the way, if you can get ahold of a nuclear powered DeLorean, go back to late September and see what odds you can get on a 500 dollar bet with the following terms: “On December 7th, Mike Rupp will have more goals than Evgeni Malkin and the 4th highest shooting percentage in the league”
Paul Maurice calls a timeout while he tries to forget that John Stevens is unemployed.
Maurice was also called the timeout to refocus.
Totally different game after that. Pens start swarming and circling. Everyone was awake at last. Fleury was everywhere. But Legace had apparently listened to his “Discovering the Inner Dryden in You” audiobook during the timeout.
Eric Staal goes away from a collagen injection. Big time chances on that PP, but Legace and the Canes defense rise to the occasion. Father Time was nowhere to be seen, but Grandmother Luck was giving you and the Pens the finger.
The least memorable third period in the history of hockey. Nothing remarkable happened. Bill Guerin did play out of his mind though. Guerin’s touch passing is nasty.
Matt Cullen took some penalty five minutes in. Powerplay fails. In March, early April. Goal city. In December Manny Legace pulls saves out of his ass. Gotta love it.
Eaton gets called for something, blah blah blah.
Pens have tons of something, but the Canes really wanted to win this game for some reason. So, so be it.
Father time rolls in.
Brandon Sutter actually is kinda of good, and he forced Skoula to take a bad penalty. Pens kill it though. No one talks about how good their penalty killing is.
Bout two minutes left, Pens flip the switch and go nuts. Malkin and bing start running shit, but Legace is on PCP.
After the Malkin and Bing shift, play gets whistled down for an apparent high stick, which should have brought the faceoff in the Canes zone. So the Pens call a timeout. Mike Yeo draws something up.
Oops the faceoff turns out to be right outside the Pens zone because the refs called offsides, but didn’t tell anyone.
Mike Yeo looks sick to his stomach.
Pens march down the ice though, and pepper Legace. Crosby has the game on his stick, but some dude lays his life on the line.
As requested, “Stall” has been censored in comments. Get it right or look like a moron.
blah blah blah
Your mom sucks.
My friend Jeremy and I went to the Pens/Hurricanes game last night and brought a sign to share with the hometown crowd. We decided to honor the great Dan Potash that we all know and love. My friends and I think Potash does a great job and appreciates his weird and often times quirky interviews and exchanges with players and the other FSN staff. Anyway, here’s a picture of the sign we brought. It’s about 3 feet in height and 2 feet wide and was totally ridiculous and unwieldy to have in the stands with us, but it was worth it. We thought we would be a sure bet to get on the FSN broadcast or even the jumbotron, but the camera man in our section (C20) was much more preoccupied with taping the same 5 little kids over and over again. I’m sure we pissed off the people behind us, but we tried to only bust the Potash out during game breaks, goals, and intermissions. At the 2nd intermission, we walked down to the where the players come out and chatted it up with the ushers. Potash was down below doing a segment and was more than happy to put his John Hancock on a huge 3 foot poster of his face. He talked to us for a couple minutes, asked us if we really thought he defied ordinary, told us he had seen it across the arena on the players bench, and laughed about how this was definitely a first for him. He was super friendly and definitely humble with a huge 3 foot mugshot of himself staring back at him. Anyway, Potash and the C20 ushers made the night a little bit better on a night when the Pens couldn’t seem to get anything goin