undersiegetwodarkterritory24edb95zd9

Board Games. PENS LOSE.

 
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Watching a loss in the Stanley Cup Finals takes years off your life.
 
They should pass a law that when your team loses a game in the Cup Finals, you shouldn't be allowed to drive, interact with humans, or be behind the keyboard of a computer for at least an hour.
 
If you contemplated taking hostages at your local BP after the game, you are not alone.
 
Time will cut like a razor blade Sunday morning and into the afternoon.
Every click of the clock that goes by, you'll try to ignore everything from NHL.com to WPXI.
You won't succeed, and you'll have to see some highlight.
Vomiting is okay.
 
After the initial thoughts of robbing our BP and heading for the border, we came to our senses.
And here's the thing…
 
For something good to happen, something's got to go wrong first.
That's all that happened in Game One at JLA.
 
And no one in their right mind could come out of Game One
thinking that the Wings' victory means this series in the bag.
 
Did you see the "goals" they scored?
The only decent scoring chance they had was when Hossa had an open net.
And he missed.
 
On the flip side, did you see the Penguins causing turnovers?
Did you see Satan, Malkin, and Letang getting some pretty good chances?
Did you see the Pens forwards controlling the puck in the offensive zone?
Did you see Zetterberg close his hand on the puck in the crease?

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If you're a Detroit fan, you're thinking," Wings won, food stamps came today, series is over."
 
We're thinking, "Shockingly, they don't award the Cup after one game in the Finals.
Kirk Maltby is a hack."
 
Everyone will once again be talking about the heroics of Osgood.
And Fleury will be tossed under a bus.
 
But not here.
There was nothing Fleury could do.
 
So it's a shame that Game 2 is the most important game in Fleury's career to date.
He will be faced with the challenge of having to shut the door and get the Pens back to Mellon City 1-1.
A 2-0 Red Wings lead is death.
 
Those turnovers the Pens were causing?
It wasn't that Detroit was nervous. "They've been here before," remember?
 
It is only a matter of time.
 
Right yourself.
 
Go Pens.
 
 
 
 

Anthemblog

Karen Newman comes out and has to blow into a pitch pipe. Not the first thing Karen blew last night.
Rumor has it Jeff Jimmerson donates bone marrow before each national anthem.
 
Wow. Really drawn out.
Maybe they should put a flag of her in the rafters, since that who's she's really singing for.
 
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heals 26, Mikey from KISS, hilaryx5eff, LeFrog, brittney n.,
 
Speaking of Mikey, he clued us in on the bar Pens fans are going to.
It was in C-Blog, too. It's Anchor Bar. PICS
 
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Was this dude even there?
 
 
Gordie Howe usually drops his pants when surrounded by men.
But it was national TV. He only drops a puck.
 
 
Bing should have speared him.
 
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Crosby's line tests Osgood early with a jobber shot from the boards.
The first three whistles of the game concluded with more facewashing than on the set of "Debbie Does Dallas."

The Wings get their chance on the same shift. No dice.

Pierre McGuire had little room to maneuver between the benches.
Last time he was in that tight of quarters, it was a truck-stop bathroom.

Guerin almost springs Kunitz on a breakaway.
A tectonic plate shifted from everyone in the Pittsburgh area standing up.

Fleury looked shaky early on. Really shaky. Even Muhammad Ali was worried.

Brad Stuart hits Fedotenko when the puck's not there. No call.
Orpik eliminates Hossa at center ice when the puck's not there. No call.

Holmstrom was actually tackling people. Thought it was a Lions game at one point.
Anyway, it was good to see the normal obstruction is still in Detroit.
Gill does it to Hossa, and Hossa acts it was like an 80-mph wind. Get real.

Crosby lays out Zetterberg at center ice.
Letang jumps ahead of a hit by Brad Stuart and loses his balance.
Pens generate a chance. Osgood swallows it up.
After the play, Cleary makes a beeline for Crosby.
 
Zetterberg pays Crosby back with a crosscheck in the grill.
Crosby jobs him back.
Zetterberg is whining to the officials about it. what a baby

Red Wings break the ice with a bad-break goal.

1-0.
Hossa acts like he did something.
We are reminded of the lively boards for the 30th time.

By the end of the first period, you realize that the Red Wings are choosing to give Malkin room, as opposed to Crosby.

The Pens get the first real goal of the game.
Malkin sharks, picks off a pass, puts it on net.
Tenko there for the rebound.

 
1-1.
 
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Solid road period.

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Buries It presser before the game:
 
What a suit.
 
 

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Pens get a chance like 8 seconds into the second period.
Kunitz and Guerin lurking.

Kronwall plays with fire and turns it over to a lurking Malkin.

Malkin with a breakaway. When there is time to adjust your sac on a breakway, you know it's too long.
But it didn't change the fact that it was Malkin with the breakaway.
Tim Cheveldae could have stopped it.
 
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TK was in everyone's face all game. Random.

Lebda jobs Talbot's stick. Pens get a PP.
Took a while to set up against a new team, a new PK.
Pretty much testing out the waters on that one.
But they were still able to get a solid chance. No clue what happened.
Killed.

Samuelsson tries to pretend to check Staal.
But he just grabs his shoulder and yanks on it.
The game was possibly gonna hang in the balance on that PP.
The Wings commit three guys to the half boards when the puck's there.
It will eventually burn them, but not on that one.
Crowd doesn't even react to the kill.

Satan gets a golden chance, but just can't finish.
 
Pens were controlling the play.

Shades of Therrien as Crosby and Malkin are teamed together.
Therrien, in his living room, lifts his Diet Coke in celebration after they fail to score.

The Pens were ripe for a penalty call.
Gonchar trips up vaginal applicator. No call.
Crosby gets a chance off a bad change.
No dice for Bing.
The entire Red Wing team stops playing if they think there should be a penalty.

But then Hossa draws one on Adams. Wings PP.
Scuderi thwarts an early chance.
We really got a feeling for the Pens-fans presence on the kill.
Some dude with an unreal whistle vocalizes his appreciation on every clear.

No clue why the NBC team thought Cooke should get a penalty for a late hit there on Holmstrom.
The whistle hadn't blown.
The puck, for all intents and purposes, was at Holmstrom's feet.
Elbowing call should have been made, but not interference or something.

We hate Holmstrom, but there is nothing anyone can do to get him out of the front of the net.
He would've stood in Tiananmen Square if the front of the net was there.
 

The Wings were finally getting pressure at the end of the period.
They force a tired Pens unit to ice it.
Disco breaks out the time-out.

Turns out to be moot.
Fleury unintentionally puts another one home for the Wings after a horrible bounce off the boards.

 
 
2-1.

MAF tried to exorcise some demons after freezing it late in the period.
After the whistle, he fires the puck from his glove back at the boards.
This comes from a guy who heavily pets his posts after one gets rung off the pipe.

Horrible thing to happen after owning the play in the second period.


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Time to start a big-time third period.
The Wings were 9-0 when leading after two periods in the playoffs.

Early on, Kronwall headhunts for Malkin. Misses.
Then Helm gets sent on a breakaway. Gill jobs him.

Vaginal applicator takes advantage of a puck in the air that only he knows where it is because he sucks.
Seriously, how many players shoot the puck into the side of the goal from 2 feet away? What a joke.
He puts it home when he gets half the cage open.
 
3-1.
At least the Wings finally scored a goal.

Letang gets a chance in the high slot and just rips it right into the crest. whatev.

Crosby gets a chance on Osgood. It lands on his back.
Zetterberg closes his hand on it in the crease.

Bizarre that only Pierre McGuire points it out.
 
Down 3-1 in the third period against the Wings.
Uphill battle.

Father Time tried to get into the Joe.
But a Red Wings fan walked in front of him.

Kirk Maltby actually yells at a ref for giving him his helment. What a scumbag.
Pens pull Fleury.
 
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Game.
 
Didn't know it was that easy to get inside Maltby's head.
 
 
  • It is so funny to hear the Red Wings and their fans complain about the NHL. They get away with more penalties than any team in the NHL.
  • Faceoffs = Wings
  • 24 hours, life could change.
  • Pens had 19 shots in Game One last year. 32 this year.
  • Backs against the wall.
Detroit sign-making skills = Fail
This isn't photoshopped.
"I love this city"?
Who makes that sign?
That expression on his face. Scary.
 
 
What a waste of a good bedsheet.
Last time the dude on the bottom right was on the Internet was on the Michigan Sexual Predator Registry website.
 
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Here's something to cheer you up.
From the ANTEEPA folks.
 




 


 

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