Bill and Geno’s Excellent Adventure. PENS WIN.




(First off, anyone at the game, was there some unreal lighting going on in the arena?
And the recap was almost titled “8 Maids A-Malkin.” H/T to Bob Errey.)
Lost in all the Hobey Baker blowback, people were actually upset about the Pens losing to the Devils on Monday.  No idea why.   Coming off an emotional week against the Flyers and a big road game in Buffalo, the Pens were due for a bit of a letdown.   Playing against the trap sucks the life out of you.
In April, the Pens will be ready for the trap.  Bet your ass on that.  The Pens will have to play down to the Devils.  It’ll make for a boring series where the cream will eventually rise to the top.

As for this beatdown, The Senators have been one of the more underrated Penguin rivals in the latter part of the decade, so finally getting to see someone clean Daniel Alfredsson’s clock is the best Christmas present we could have asked for.
Evgeni Malkin is coming out of his “slump.”
Bill Guerin is on acid.
Kunitz gets assists by association.

And we’re not getting tired of using this picture.
Hard to believe that a goalie gets the #1 star in an 8-2 game.
But Fleury deserved it.
First time the Pens have beat the Senators in regulation in the Mellon since October 16, 2001.

Take a look at the box score from that game:

One guy with a hat trick, one with two goals.
We’re guessing you can read, but Toby Petersen.  Jesus.
If you actually dig a little further, that game and the one last night share a lot of similarities. [ESPN]
But the greatness doesn’t stop there.
At the game last night, there was a Festivus miracle.
The story of the miracle began at the Festivus bash at Calico Jack’s on Tuesday night.

Frosty put on a hat and it made him dance and shit.
The hat in this Festivus miracle made you feel like you did coke.
At our official annual Festivus party/fundraiser at Calico Jack’s, more than a few people thought the person taking the cover charge at the door looked familiar.  After a few drinks, it was confirmed that it was the one and only Carrot.  Her name is Brittany.  Good person.  She’s taken everything in stride.
After talking to her and snapping unreal pictures, we thought the saga was over.
But hold the phone.
Sometime during the crazy night, someone was able to coerce her hat off her head.
That started up another round of unreal pictures.
Unreal Shirt showed up later in the night, and that situation itself could have its own blog.
And Francois Leroux made an appearance, as well.
He knows how huge his pass to Robitaille was.
And he knows the hit on Lafontaine was clean.
Long story short, by the end of the night, the hat had gone missing.
For all we know, she had given the hat to someone.
It turns out the hat had fallen into the hands of a friend.
There was even a Craigslist posting.  He was taking good care of it.
And then our friend e-mailed us on Wednesday afternoon:

“What are the chances of anyone scoring a hat trick tonight?
How great would it be to throw the hat on the ice?
I may take it to the game, just in case.” — Friend
“I have it with me just in case someone gets the HT.
How epic would it be if Geno scored the hattie?” — Friend.

DATELINE: 9:15 P.M. ( Malkin scores )
“It’s on the ice.  Epic.”  — Friend.
In the end, the hat was in the only place she would have wanted it.
On the ice after an Evgeni Malkin hat trick.
It was a Festivus Miracle.
You’re welcome, Carrot.
A secret lives with Sven
Props to Photoshopper Extraordinaire and “Hey There Malone” creator ThickAndy
for winning the Red Bull and Vodka raffle prize…and promptly sharing it everyone.


We loved the Hobey Baker joke on Monday.
If we were Paul Steigerwald, we would have come out guns blazing with a big-time joke about the Hindenburg going down.
Huge letdown.
But there was that awkward moment in the third when they called that 6-year-old girl beautiful.
The score was 8-1 then.  And it was probably Steigerwald’s niece or something.
Ottawa comes out with all kinds of passion.
Ottawa head coach Cory Colostomybag has been bitching about penalties against his team.
Chris Phillips takes the dumbest penalty ever.
Pens on the powerplay. The Whitney Play™, featuring Geno, gets dialed up.
A lot of chippy, post-whistle shit going on.
No one is really afraid of Chris Neil or anyone on the Senators. What a garbage team.
Out of nowhere, Volkswagenov unleashes some shot.  It hits Mckee’s stick. Goal city. 1-1.
After that, it was all Ottawa, all the time.
They ended the period with 24 shots.
MAF was on top of his shit.
Things were looking down, but then Craig Adams destroyed Alfie.
One of our favorite moments in recent memory.
Got to play with your head up, joke.
Underrated performance here taking the time to get the font to match.
Only a handful of us are big-time photoshoppers.
The hit changed the game. That is why you need people like Craig Adams on your team. He stirred the pot.
The hit took Ottawa completely off their game.
Instead of worrying about playing Colostomy’s system, Ottawa started trying to get even.  Huge mistake.
The Pens got a powerplay because Cheecho is a pycho.
You want evidence of performance-enhancing drugs in hockey, look up Jon Cheecho.
Just wait till Nils Ekman writes a book about how, when they both were in San Jose, he injected Joe Thornton’s sac sweat into his butt.
Refs took a goal off the Pens somewhere in there.  Whatev.
Check out the “green men” harassing the Predators every time they went to the box in Vancouver:

Wish Mellon Arena had this…

As opposed to people leaning down to do the “rocker” handsign to the camera.


Cheechoo comes out of the box after the Pens can’t score on a powerplay.  And he goes right back in. What an idiot.
Broadway Bill Guerin makes him pay.  He beats Chocolate.  2-1.


And it keeps getting better. Staal goes nuts.

He runs over Kovy and leads some unrealistic charge up the ice.

He finishes it with a sick pass to Feds.   3-1.

After that, Ottawa pretty much self-destructed, yet they still managed to pressure MAF.
Didn’t make sense.
But then Chris Kunitz went nuts.
Guerin goal.  Malkin goal.
It’s Christmas Eve.
What are you doing on the Internet.
Go Pens.
TPB Staff

About TPB Staff

est. 2006 Semi-retired