The Joe Thornton Celebration Scale

Joe Thornton had this awesome quote regarding the reaction he would have if he scored four goals like his teammate Tomas Hertl:

“I’d have my cock out if I scored four goals. I’d have my cock out, stroking it.”

That is a fair reaction in our opinion. But that is probably the end game. What are the other appropriate reactions? We scaled through several celebrations and developed a complex set of rules to identify the correct celebration.

ONE GOAL

For just one goal, it would require some heavy petting. Act like you've been there before but set the stage.

Example:

 

TWO GOALS

A large, freedom-setting thrust is OK'd for the second goal. Two goals are a game-changer.

Example:

HAT TRICK

Two celebrations according to the scale algorithm are acceptable. 

The big balls celebration

Grab your sac.

A good grab sets the stage::

Fourth Goal

Obviously you whip it out and stroke it. Also, this song plays immediately in the arena:

We will periodically review this scale, so please feel free to submit your own suggestions and possible exceptions.

 

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