RECAP: Game 7. Pens win 4-1.

 

So, the Philadelphia Daily News called Crosby "Sid the Squid"? 

The years and years of trolling with nothing to show for it, save for a Phillies’ steroid-aided championship, has finally gotten to the city of Philadelphia, we think. Sid the Squid and Tony Romo. Is that it? What was it like turning in that headline for press? They are all out of options at this point.

Squids are elite cephalopods, too. What a mistake.

Speaking of mistakes, Paul Holmgren. What was his vision for the 2013-2014 Flyers? Wayne Simmonds and Brayden Schenn aren't as good as Mike Richards ever.

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Think of how bad that trade looks now. No way Holmgren survives the weekend. Once someone wakes up the lifeless Ed Snider from the coma he is in, Holmgren will have to be fired. The Flyers are so bad. Craig Berube is an actual coach currently in the NHL.

The Penguins opened the door like 50 times in this game, but the Flyers shit all over themselves every time. It was almost like a cat messing with a mouse. The Pens eventually got bored; Crosby iced the game, and Malkin added some insurance.

And then all of the Flyers fans left, knowing their team is 1-7.

RECAP:
 

FIRST PERIOD

It was all Pens all the time at the start. Malkin flew into the Flyers’ zone, and Giroux put the stick into him, so the Pens were on a quick PP. Pens threatened, but nothing happened.

Harry Zolnierczyk was apparently under the Flyers’ skin. He was trolling hard, and Adam Hall hooked him going to the net, so the Pens had another PP. That was killed, too. Adam Hall is 3045 years old.

Zolnierczyk was back on the ice after the PP, jamming everybody up. Joe Vitale took down Cletus Schenn behind the Flyers’ net, so it was the Flyers’ turn on the PP. No soup for them.

The first big save of the game came when Michael Raffl was given a golden chance in front of MAF, but MAF got his pad out in time to stop him point-blank. It seemed like that chance woke up the Flyers because they started coming in waves. Craig Adams saved a goal.

Maatta did this:

Can't remember exactly when it happened. Props to @maal_league for the GIF.

Engelland was being a forward, doing forward stuff, and he almost set up Crosby with a goal. Bylsma would’ve personally delivered crow to people’s houses if that would’ve converted.

Coburn tripped up Crosby toward the end of the period, so the Pens had their third PP of the period. It would carry over and would be killed off.

And Joe Vitale was out of control in the first period.

SECOND PERIOD

5 minutes into the second, and so it was — the Pens’ best scoring chance up to that point belonged to…Deryk Engelland. Mason stopped him in front trying to whack one home.

Bortuzzo's revenge sparks shit

On December 8, 2011, Robert Bortuzzo was the victim of a headshot by Zac Rinaldo.

Rinaldo got away with it, and the league didn't even look at it. The hit gave Bortuzzo a concussion, and he missed most of the year.
 
He got his revenge Thursday night:
 

 

 

Business picked up big-time after that. Bortuzzo had to fight Kris Newbury, which was the first notable thing Newbury has ever done.

Just before the game’s halfway mark, Timonen had the worst shift of his career. Malkin and Kobasew simply wouldn’t let him leave the zone. Malkin corralled the loose puck and fed Jokinen, who plowed it in. 1-0.

The entire second period was dominated by the Penguins. Just completely dominated. The Crosby line went out and ran the Flyers ragged. 40 years from now, when everyone's kids and grandkids aren't convinced that Crosby wasn't the real deal, hopefully the Internet will still be around and we can show them video of Crosby on that shift. He threaded the needle with passes that you just don't see every day. Finally, after a Niskanen shot pinballed, Kunitz buried it. 2-0.

If Lavvy is coaching, we see a timeout. But since Craig Berube can't even talk, he couldn't call one.

Immediately after that, the Pens were coming again, and Kobasew got cross-checked. Another PP for the Pens. Nothing on that, either. Didn’t really matter. The Flyers looked awful.

But then they got a late powerplay because Fleury got called for interference. And they got a late goal. 2-1. Wayne Simmonds tipped it home.

A rare photo of Giroux without Jagr carrying him on his back.

THIRD PERIOD

The goal at the end of the period clearly gave life to the Flyers. And right off the bat, they got a powerplay. They were buzzing, but Fleury held his gound. The Flyers ended up outshooting the Pens 12-6 in the third.

Fleury stopped everything he saw, while the Pens' offense still wanted a goal.

And The Squid got it.

3-1. Malkin added an empty-netter. 4-1.

BYEEEEEEE

MISCELLANEOUS

- Flyers goalie Steve Mason didn't even play all that bad. The only reason the Flyers had a chance was Mason's performance in that tilted second period.

- MAF with the well-deserved first star of the game.

- Matt Niskanen is leading the NHL in plus/minus. Probably a good thing.

- Timonen hurt. lol

- PECO POWEEEERRR PLAAAYYYYYY

- Pics: AP/Getty

 

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