RECAP: Game 12. Pens win 3-1.

The only struggle in this game involved people fighting the urge to fall asleep. The Metro Division is in a sad state of affairs. Carolina came into this game the second-best team record-wise in the division. They are horrible. The Penguins didn't play horribly, but they didn't need to try. Carolina had 21 shots on net. We remember maybe 4 shots.

Big performance from Jayson Megna, who got his first NHL assist and goal. You could argue that he felt right at home playing against an AHL team. Regardless, he played well.

Sidenote: Jordan Staal LOL. Does he even play for the Canes? When he appeared for shifts, in between counting money on the bench, he looked like a shadow of his former self. But that is no surprise when you are a greedy, attention-seeking Canadian player like Jordan Staal. Staal couldn't carry your grandma in a game of bingo.

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Pens snapped their 3-game losing streak, so that's good. Bruins come to Pittsburgh Wednesday, though. The Pens really need to win that one.

RECAP:

 

Proof that Jordan Staal played in this game.

FIRST PERIOD

The game started off promising, but then the game happened.

Brett Sutter threw Adams into the boards. Vitale hasn’t been doing much, so he answered the bell and started throwing haymakers with Sutter. Vitale’s shenanigans canceled out the Pens’ power play.

Pens had a power play somewhere else. Nothing.

Later, Megna and Glass were on the ice with Crosby because who knows. WHY ARE THE PENGUINS LINED UP WITH PAUL MARTIN ON THE WING AND MEGNA AT D??

Oh…

 

 

As you can see, Crosby won the faceoff, Megnatron bowled into the zone, Orpik with an area pass. Shot. Save. Rebound bounced right to Tanner Glass. 1-0.

Carolina got their first shot on goal 12 minutes into the first, which prompted a mock cheer from the home crowd. Bill Cowher was probably beating off.

If the Pens had scored another goal in the first, the game would've been over. But they didn't.

And then Brandon Sutter needlessly tripped up a Cane. A little over a minute into that kill, Craig Adams went off for a slash. Killing a 5-on-3 in the NHL is like the Bay of Pigs. Nathan Gerbe scored. 1-1.

Tuomo Ruutu got the stick up into Maatta’s face, and the Pens had a power play for the rest of the period. Nope.

So boring.

SECOND PERIOD

Kunitz went off for slashing early. Pens killed it.

Lull town for the most of the second period.

WHAT ABOUT LOVE. WHAT ABOUT OUR PROMISES.

Crosby woke everyone up with an insane pass to Kunitz.

 

Again, we take this kind of shit for granted when we see Crosby play every night, but he took less than a second to realize where he was gonna pass it and then he delivered to Kunitz right on the money. The Kunitz deflection was all about luck. 2-1.

THIRD PERIOD

Never realized how many car commercials there are during a Penguins broadcast. Too many choices.

Hard to believe the Canes could still tie it on one shot. Also hard to believe Joe Vitale and Craig Adams were playing wih Evgeni Malkin.

Carolina came out with some guts, but that didn't last long.

Halfway through, Crosby got loose and snapped a shot toward the net. It hit Megna. That is his first NHL goal. 3-1.

Megna's got to hope his first sexual experience lasts longer than that.

Turn out the lights. One of the most boring games of all time.

GAME.

MISCELLANEOUS

– Great showing by Pens fans in Carolina as usual.

– Poor Scuds

–Crosby seems like he is playing unlimited minutes.

–Kobasew got hurt.

 

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