Ottawa Columnist: Matt Cooke is focused on my Penis

Well, the saying "Don't tell them dick" just got a new meaning.

There is no way we could ever make this up. Don Brennan, who is a complete nutjob, wrote one of the more bizarre columns of all time shortly after the Penguins beat the Senators.

Brennan and his disdain for the Penguins is very well documented

But even this is a little extreme. Brennan apparenty had a run-in with Matt Cooke during the pre-game pressers:

He wanted to tell me I have no balls. At first I think he said "small balls." But by the time he had finished, and knew Penguins GM Ray Shero was listening, he had decided I had none. Oh, and I believe he also mumbled something about me having no penis before disappearing into the players-only room, which I found interesting.

That is right, everyone. Don Brennan wanted you to visualize his penis. 

That is really what this column is about. Don Brennan is that into himself. There is no other reason a journalist would print this. The Senators are collapsing, and instead of talking about that, Brennan inserts himself and his PENIS into a storyline that isn't even a thing. And what did he mean by the "Shero listening" part? Does he think Ray Shero daydreams about his Penis, too?

What was Matt Cooke supposed to do? Buckle to the irrational Ottawa notion that he intentionally and successfully cut Erik Karlsson's Achilles tendon?

Does this Brennan paragraph even make sense:

Again, I don't think he was aiming for Karlsson's Achilles, but I've watched the replay many times and I'm convinced he was either trying to hurt the Senators best player or he was being careless enough with his boot blade to warrant a suspension.

Honestly Matt Cooke should have stabbed Don Brennan.

If this is any indication of what a playoff series would be like against the Senators, bring it the hell on.


Sorry about your Penis, bro.