So, we linked to an article on Crossing Broad about Flyer fan-girls writing about getting slammed by Flyers players.
Didn't really want to get far into it, but then someone tweeted us this:
@Pensblog you should read some of the Penguins fan fics out there. Most are complete utter garbage
— Aimée (@blueside21) October 11, 2013
So of course we wanted to see what she was talking about.
And, my God, we wish we didn't. The hell we just found will entertain you, yet make you want to jump off of a bridge. Remember when you heard someone say the Internet can be a dark place? This is what they were talking about.
Far be it for us to judge people's creativity – no, actually fuck that. This is as bizarre as it gets.
The site is called Mibba.com, which we've heard of. According to the About page, Mibba is the following:
Mibba is a creative writing community filled with resources for aspiring authors to connect with other writers around the world. Mibba grows each day into a more diverse community, featuring a variety of fiction and non-fiction stories, expository articles, poetry, blogging and social forums.
Users are invited to design a personal profile to network with other authors, and to create unique layouts for their writing. Writing resources and extensive user feedback help authors grow and develop their writing. In addition to writing, Mibba provides users with a rich environment to discuss everything from literature and films to politics and current events.
Oh, hey, fine, whatever. Nothing to see here, right?
As Crossing Broad found out, this shit is dark.
But it isn't just Flyers fans. Buckle up for this.
There are so many things on this site to point out and be horrified about. Here is a small sample.
The Staal Sister — Word count: 33k
Holy fuck. This is the intro:
When Danielle Staal, the youngest of 5 children in her family (if you can call those giants children), was 16 she ran away from her home and family to live with a friend in Boston. She was pregnant and single. She attended high school and got a full scholarship to Boston University. While being a mother and going to college, she was also the Captain of the hockey team there and her life was running fairly smoothly until she was put into the draft. She hasnt spoken to any of her family members in 3 years and there was no avoiding it now and were they in for shock. This Dani's story and she gets much more than she bargained for when she falls in love again but things dont always work out the way we plan
Best chapter title: Thunder Bay Reunion.
Keep it Kasual — Word count: 42k
Oh, yes, Kris Letang stories.
Sample from Chapter 4:
He came over to me and kind of blushed. "I did already have a background check done by my lawyer. She said you're so squeaky clean you've never even had a traffic ticket. She also found the Lieutenant Governor's Youth Medal you got. Your English is better than mine; you're willing to speak French to both of us. If you're willing to move here and then to Pittsburgh with us, we'd _love_ to have you."
I stood there in shock. Here was the chance to completely change my life. "Would I have to completely give up Photography or could I keep it as a hobby?" This could be a deal breaker if he said the wrong thing.
Fortunately for me he just scoffed. "I would never ask you to do that. As long as Alex is cared for, I don't care if you take him _with_ you to take pictures. You do realize that you _will_ have to move here from Toronto and sooner is better than later."
Letang to the Leafs [E3].
Seriously, we may retire from the Internet after this.
Doing What He Does Best — Word count: 5k
She thought he changed. But men do not change overnight.
What happens when Kris does the unthinkable to Danielle. Again.
Will their family be able to survive?
Especially with the lockout threatening the season.
Oh, Christ. Maybe this is why Letang signed in Russia?
So, those are just three, all of them rated PG-13.
BUT WAIT. THERE IS MORE.
A link on the top of the site says for more stories, go to Hockey Fanfiction…
The Games We Play – Rated NC-17
Read Chapter 10 and you won't be able to look at James Neal ever again. The chapter ends with Malkin, Crosby and Neal discussing girl issues on a treadmill. Great leadership by Crosby.
This one featuring Crosby.
Stay, Stay, Stay – Rated R
When a new girl joins the Penguins medical team she's not what anyone would have expected, especially not superstar Sidney Crosby.
Oh, Chris Stewart wouldn't be happy…
This one is a real tear-jerker. Here is the big moment in Chapter 21:
I don’t need you to fix my problems,” I finally said.
“What if I want to?” he shot back.
“Stop with the heroic bullshit. You don’t want to. You want someone who will make your life easier. Someone who will look good on your arm and love you unconditionally. I can’t be that person. I can’t even love myself unconditionally.” I was becoming frantic, my voice high pitched and tight, tight like my chest, my stomach, and my heart.
“Don’t fucking tell me what I want,” he hissed. His teeth were clenched and I saw something in his eyes that’d I’d never seen before. “If I wanted that I’d have it. We all know there are plenty of girls who could fill that job. You go on about being in control of your own life and knowing what you want but you don’t take a second to think that I know what I want.” Anger. I’d seen him angry on the ice, or in the locker room after a bad game, but I’d never seen him angry at me. “Do you think I’m making all that hallmark shit up? That I was lying when I said I’d never taken anyone home to meet my parents? Jesus, how can you be so smart and so thick all at once.” He slammed his fist into the couch beside me.
That Crosby, always the hero.
If anyone needs us, we'll be throwing up in the corner.